10 Questions To Strengthen Your Relationship

It can sometimes be tough to get past a certain stage in a relationship… we expect our partner to do most of the getting past, and to just drag us along with them, but sometimes we end up in a rut!

You find your relationship is comfortable, secure… but it’s not a deep bond, or a lasting thing, and sometimes all we want is some security. How can you take your relationship to the next level?

These ten simple questions can take your relationship deeper, and you never have to admit to anyone that you asked any of them! They’re easy questions to ask and answer, but they really do give you insight into the person you’re sitting with, and the person you want to spend your life with.

1. In life, what are you most fearful of? It could be certain people, interactions, feelings, creatures…? Does your fear hold you back, or can you break through?

This question really lets you into the mind of the person you’re with, without poking and prodding too much. Knowing their fears lets you know their weaknesses, and their strengths, and the fact that they trust you enough to share this with you is important.

Sometimes it’s hard for a person to answer this sort of question. They might be a little nervous to let themselves become vulnerable to you, but they’ll answer when they trust you enough. Fear is a big thing, and you have to understand and appreciate their fear to understand them.

Don’t ever make fun of their fear, either – be it spiders or being broke. It’s something they are truly afraid of, and you need to respect that… even if you think it is stupid.

2. What would you need to have in your life to consider yourself truly ‘rich’?

The first answer that probably comes to mind is money, but that’s a cop out answer, and you both know it. Understanding what your partner considers a rich and full life is really important, because you can compare life goals and see if they are going to head in a direction that you want to go in.

Really consider your own answer as well before you ask it – you know that they are going to ask you the question in return. Try to think of what you value in life… maybe a ‘rich’ life would be a nice home, a husband or wife, financial and job security. Or it might be a life full of traveling and visiting new and exciting places, with or without someone by your side.

Think about it before you answer, and let them see inside of you too. It’s important to answer these questions so you can trust one another. Sound stupid? Maybe – but it’s the truth.

3. Are there any old feelings or grievances about your parents that you haven’t told me, good or bad?

Understanding your partner’s relationship with their parents is important, not only because you get an insight into his or her past, but you can see issues that might crop up in the future too.

For a lady – was her father verbally or physically abusive? She might have a harder time trusting men because of that, so you’ll need to be respectful of that.

For a guy – was his mother the type to cook and clean, and never let her husband lift a finger when it comes to chores, or did her father do most of the cleaning? He’ll more than likely expect your relationship to be the same as between his parents, so if the father didn’t clean a lot, then he’ll expect not to have to pitch in around the house.

Try to pick apart their relationship with their parents, and really understand what it was like. Then you’ll know why they are the way they are, and how you can help them through any problems that might arise between them and their parents in the future.

4. In our relationship, have you ever said anything to me that you wish you could take back? Do you have anything that you wanted to say to me, but couldn’t?

This is an important one. We all get angry, and most of us can say certain things that we wish we could take back, sure it won’t make our feelings go away, or the hurt, but knowing what they are is important.

Don’t forget to forgive them for what he or she’s said in the past, as their answers are their way of seeking your approval and forgiveness, and be patient as they tell you something they’ve always wanted to say. It’s hard for a lot of people to share their feelings, so go easy on them.

Always be honest when it comes to your turn to answer too, and really think about the question before you dismiss it. Was there a time when you yelled, and didn’t mean to? Or something you said that still haunts you? Getting it out in the open in a calm setting can strengthen your bond, relieve pent up guilt and frustration, and really bring you to that next level of a relationship.

5. Have you ever heard of things happening in some else’s relationship that you want to make sure don’t happen in ours?  What are they?

Always know what your partner expects, and doesn’t expect, from your relationship together. You have to realize that they, like you, have probably been through some bad relationships, and heard about a lot more.

Make sure you know what your partner needs in your relationship, and what they want to avoid. Take steps to prevent anything that they are afraid of – moving away, losing contact, or simply getting tired of each other – from happening. Don’t make fun of any worries either. They are worrying about them because they are valid fears in their eyes.

Think about your answer too. What sort of things do you want to avoid? Remember to be honest, and don’t be afraid of expressing yourself.

6. What do you need from me materially, physically, emotionally and spiritually for you to feel completely and totally fulfilled?

Knowing what your partner needs from you is important, because if you fumble around in your relationship without a care or clue of what they need, they’re either going to leave you (trust me on this one) or resent you. Understand exactly what they need from you to feel complete and whole.

Men and women have needs that the opposite sex do not understand, and would never guess on their own. Most of the needs may feel stupid to you, and you might feel silly trying to fill them all, but they’ll really appreciate the effort, and your relationship will be stronger than you can imagine.

When they bounce the question to you, really think about it. What can they do to help you feel good in the relationship. Whether it’s watching TV on the weekends every now and then, letting you go out with the girls/guys once or twice a month, or just spending more time doing things you enjoy instead of always doing things they like, let them know.

This is all part of building a strong foundation – if you can’t, or don’t want to, meet their needs then there’s something wrong.

7. Do you have anything in your life that you have never forgiven yourself for? Or has anyone ever said or done anything to you that you have never forgiven? In both cases why have you not been able to forgive?

Learning your partners mistakes in life, and the mistakes they consider unforgivable, is important. Not only can you avoid certain things they detest, but you can learn more about their character.

Don’t be worried if they are unsure if they want to tell you. Most of the time, digging up our own mistakes is worse than talking about the mistakes of others. We feel stupid, silly, and embarrassed discussing what we did wrong, so give them time to come to terms with it again before sharing it.

Try your hardest not to ‘blow off’ this question too. Just as you want to learn what they hate, they want to learn what you hate. Take time to consider your mistakes, and choose something that really bothers you, something you’ve never been able to completely forgive yourself for, to share. They will appreciate your honesty, and feel closer to you just knowing that you’re willing to share.

8. In what situations do you feel completely at peace, or comfortable?

Think of when you feel comfortable with everything – yourself, your life, everything. Is it when you’re sitting on the couch, soda in hand, watching your favorite TV show? How about skiing down a mountainside, or just laying in bed, in that place between wakefulness and sleep, with your partner by your side?

These are moments we share with each other because we care. It sounds soppy and stupid, but sharing with them when you feel most peaceful is important, so they can do the same. If you can understand why your partner is comfortable in a certain environment, you can make sure to cater to that, and help them feel at peace more of the time.

Never laugh at their answer, and remember to be honest with them about yours. After you ask, take small moments to help make them feel at peace – whether it is giving them alone time to read, or write, or maybe taking them out for long walks at a beach. Even just letting him/her take over a corner of the spare bedroom to turn into a meditation/exercise area can make them feel special, remembered, and loved.

9. Over the past 5-10 years, how do you think your life has changed? How have you changed as a person? Do you think these changes have been for the better, or the worse?

This question is best started by discussing how you’ve changed in the last few years – it makes them feel more comfortable and open, and gives them time to think of their answers. Knowing how your partner has changed is important, as it lets you know how they are going to change in the future, too.

Don’t condemn their answers if they’ve changed for the negative either, because you can’t say that you’ve become a completely better person in the last few years – some changes, even small may have been for the worst, so don’t ever judge them. They’ll appreciate an open, free environment, and they’ll be much more willing to share themselves emotionally with you in the future.

Trust them to be honest with you, and be honest with them too. Really study and look back at your life… and consider how it’s going to change in the next few years. Discuss this too, and compare goals.

10. What type of things do you worry about? Is there something you constantly worry about?

The first step to soothing any fears is knowing what they are. Is your partner worried about money, life, death, family, friends, even your relationship? Understand and respect these worries, because they matter to them.

Talk about your worries, too, even if you’re not used to doing so. It might even be a bit difficult to put your worries into words, and that’s okay, because they are there to listen and help you through that. If you can both understand each other you’ve taken another step to living more worry free.

After you’ve realized their worries, try to help them through them, and set them to rest. If they are worried about money, do small things to help generate – or save – a bit more, like working an hour or two overtime, or cutting back on spending a bit. If they are worried about their family, take them to see them more.

…and yes this is different to number 1 about fears! Fears and worries are two different animals you need to understand and conquer!

It Might Seem Hard…

…trying to strengthen and build a deeper bond. But asking the right questions, and knowing those answers, is something that will really help you both. And you’ll look like a wonderful partner for asking them – they’ll understand that you care about them, and they’ll appreciate that care more than anything else.

Winning The Dating Game

Plans are laid, your mouth is dry, and somehow you just can’t stop your hands from shaking. You’re supposed to be picking your date up in an hour, yet your having a bad hair day, your palms are sweaty and nervous energy surrounds your body like a cocoon.

Dating is like a game, the more you do it, the better you get. Some people have natural talent when it comes to dating, and some people have to try, try and try again. But like a game, you have a much better chance of winning if you keep in mind the rules of play.

Look Your Best

Looks aren’t everything, but good hygiene, neat appearance and a pleasant body odor can come in handy when playing the dating game. Take some time to put yourself together. Your date will appreciate the effort, and it shows that you care about your appearance.

Confidence is a Man’s or Woman’s Best Friend

To win the dating game every time, confidence is required. Confidence is sexy. Both men and women are attracted to it, so it’s important that you gain some. This doesn’t mean you should be cocky, egotistical or a jerk. It just means you should seem like you’re confident being you, and all that entails.

Stimulating Conversation

You’ll gain some extra points in the dating game if you can make your date laugh, talk and enjoy themselves through conversation. If you can keep your date interested, the second date is just around the corner. Pull out some of your amusing or funny stories, and ask your date some questions, without getting too personal. Don’t talk about yourself too much either. Instead, just try to go with the flow, and keep the conversation as natural and free flowing as possible, without any awkward silences.

Smile

Smiling alone can help you win a second date. Smiling is attractive, and puts people at ease. Try to smile as often as possible, without seeming like a grinning lunatic.

Manners

Use your manners and be polite. Nothing is as big a turn off as someone who is rude and obnoxious. If you want to woo your date then it’s in your best interests to be as polite as possible, whenever possible.

By playing by the rules, you too can win the dating game every time and earn yourself a second, third or fourth date.

10 Rules of Dating Etiquette

Are the old days of good manner, respect and chivalry gone?

It just seems that way because so many young people today don’t know the basics of etiquette and manners, it is not taught anywhere so unless someone you know teaches you then sadly this is fading out.

That is no reason for you to allow the good old days to fade.

The thing is that women are a lot more conscious of manners and courtesy. We have different upbringings and although we may not use typical manners when with our male friends,  it is not acceptable to use the same kind of manners when in the company of a lady.

This puts you in a great position because as women reluctantly accept the fact that most men’s manners are going out the window. They are genuinely shocked and impressed by a man that can show proper etiquette!

1. Standing Up

This may seem a little stuffy for some, but it is traditional etiquette that you stand whenever a lady enters or departs from a room (it is also etiquette to do it when an elder or someone very important enters or departs the room).

So don’t sit there on the sofa while she leaves, get up, at least say goodbye to her face to face, and don’t let her make her own way out. Walk her to the door and see her off properly!

All of this shows you care about her and you are paying attention to her, grunting goodbye at her from the sofa while you are still watching TV does not show respect or attention!

2. Door Etiquette

Everybody knows the rule of holding a door for a lady. Rut to do it right you need to hold it open for them and step out of the way so that they can pass. Nod and say, ‘after you’ if she hesitates. A smile always helps as well as she may be a bit stunned!

How about revolving doors then? Well these are a bit trickier. The guy goes in first (try an, “allow me” before you do so she doesn’t think you are just pushing in front) to push the door round for the lady who follows in behind you. And no spinning it round fast and having it smack into the back of them like you do with your friends!

These two are sure to get you a smile from a discerning lady.

3. Etiquette for Walking Into a Room

This one should be easy if you think about it…

… she walks in first because you are holding the door for her!

The same goes for concerts, movies, etc,  hold the door so she can enter and then the lady goes first into the row of seats.

On exit from the row,  you will be leading, so stand at the end to stop anyone from cutting off your partner as they exit the rows in front, and allow her to exit in front of you then walk beside her.

4. Table Manners

This is a sorely neglected area of people’s manners, but here a few tips to have you polished in no time!

• Always serve everything for the lady you came with, but never for a lady who came with another man (do it if they are by themselves though).
• Never talk with your mouthful or make noise as you eat.
• Never leave the table before the family or guests without asking to be excused by the host or hostess
• Always drink your soup from using the side of the spoon without any noise!
• Do not talk loud or boisterously
• When serving them never overload their plate or force them to have something which they have already declined once

5. Be Punctual

Always always always be on time for a date!

It shows respect, good planning and personal timekeeping and reliability.

Make sure you leave in plenty of time, and if necessary,  get there early and wait for a while, much better than run the risk of being late.

If you are running late, then telephone the lady. If she doesn’t answer her phone, call the restaurant to make sure she is aware of what is going on and not left to become unnecessarily anxious.

If you are having to rush to meet her  after you have phoned,  make sure you take a minute or two to ‘catch your breath’, compose yourself and straighten yourself out before you go the final stretch and meet her.

6. Conversation

Remember that a conversation is two sided. This means if you catch yourself talking for too long then apologise and turn the conversation to them.

For most people,  a great topic is themselves. They know a lot about that subject so they feel comfortable talking about it! Women love it when you show an interest in them and their lives, so try to get her to talk about herself more and she will really feel a connection with you.

Be enthusiastic and positive, no matter what they are saying, even if it is boring or not! This will put them at ease and more relaxed so a conversation will start to flow.

Try to avoid topics that evoke emotion like religion, politics and money. These may get you caught up in debate that is more suited to the comfort of your own home rather than on your date.

Laugh at funny jokes, but a smile will suffice for unfunny ones; you don’t have to laugh at everything or she will think you are trying too hard and being insincere!

7. Getting Comfortable

It is your place, as the man, to make sure that your date is comfortable at all times. Do not  keep asking her if she is comfortable, but to notice if she is looking cold or shifting in an uncomfortable seat and take appropriate action to remedy the situation.

If you are walking along and you see a puddle then you may be comfortable going through it but don’t drag her through it. You don’t have to throw your coat over it like in old times, but just make sure you both avoid it somehow.

Offer your coat if she is cold when you are out and about. Women tend to dress lightly since they hate to have too much stuff to carry around, so you should be prepared to sacrifice your coat or jacket to keep them warm (or getting them out of the cold is another solution!)

8. Eye Contact

Most people make eye contact when they are listening, but not when they are talking. Try to make as much eye contact as possible to let them know they have your undivided attention.

Make sure that you genuinely are paying attention to them so that they feel they are the only person in the whole place. If you look around the room or look at other people then the person talking will assume that you are bored and looking to get away.

A good rule with eye contact is to look at the spot just in-between people’s eyes. Don’t stare for extended periods of time, take a quick break by briefly looking at something else and then come back, otherwise the talker could become uncomfortable.

9. Be Yourself

People can usually tell when you are exaggerating, if not immediately. It will show through later and bite you in the butt.

It has also been said that women are 10x more sensitive to body language than men, so if you are lying or exaggerating, there is a good chance they will know it!

If you try and be someone  you are not, you’ll only trap yourself into lying in the future to keep up the pretence, or  having to be called out which will make you look worse than if you just tried to be yourself.

People can tell when you are trying too hard and that is not a good trait as it shows you are not comfortable with the real you.

10. Extra Tips

Lastly, some other things you need to remember for your date:

• ALWAYS make sure she gets home ok. If you can, escort her home, then go home. Cabs are not always as safe as they seem
• Never try and have sex on a first date. Men try it routinely, but if a woman responds then one of you is bound to cheat later on in the relationship with that attitude to sex!
• Never swear or use uncouth language in front of a lady. Yes they already know the words, but that does not make it acceptable to use them
• Always make an effort to be dressed smartly, be fresh and smell good
• Never argue or be rude to others on a date, just let things slide or you will look like a jerk
• Compliment your date, but only if you mean it!
• On the first date always pick up the tab, on later dates always do it unless she offers first
• Never date unless you are genuinely, genuinely single! None of this, ‘Well I am kind of seeing someone’. That is not acceptable behaviour.

Why He’s Not Going To Call

You’re on your first date, a little nervous, trying to loosen up, so you have a martini –or two or three – before dinner. Then some wine with dinner. Suddenly you find yourself talking about your ex-boyfriend (he was such an asshole! Nothing like the guy you’re out with tonight!). And then that other ex-boyfriend (also an asshole), until you’ve given your date a drunken detailed primer to your former dating life. Don’t hold your breath waiting for a call about a second date.

We’ve all done our share of dating faux pas, and had to live to remember them. While they make for amusing fodder for Sunday brunch chatting with the girlfriends, it sucks to go on a date and completely ruin any future chances by falling into a typical dating trap. Drinking too much and talking about your ex are two surefire ways to ruin your chances of a second date.

Avoid Talking About Your Past

Aside from giving detailed history lessons about your dating past, try to avoid being “emotionally slutty.” If it’s your first date, now is not the time to talk about all of the problems life has loaded upon you, like your parents’ divorce, your grandmother’s funeral, how you got fired from your job, the time when you were five and your puppy got hit by a car and died. It’s a first date – it should be fun, easy and exciting! Don’t bring it down by getting too serious. You’ll just freak the poor guy out – and bum yourself out.

Avoid First Date Sex

While being an “emotional slut” is not advised, being just straight-up slutty is also a big No. I know, so cliché – but it’s true: Sleeping with a guy on the first date will make him (a) wonder, “how often does she do that!?” and (b) assume that you’re not a serious relationship kind of gal. Yes, there are times when a first-date sleepover can lead to future dates and a serious relationship but let’s be realistic – the relationship is most likely to progress to “booty call” status, if anything.

Avoid First Date Interviews

Aside from making yourself look like a fool, you can also freak out your date by placing too much attention on him with interview-style grilling. Asking questions is good, but firing one after the other at your date can be scary. You should be having a conversation, telling him about yourself too, not grilling him for his marriage-ability. (You can always get to that later).

Avoid Drinking Too Much

Last but not least, the ultimate dating faux pas that is most likely to get you into trouble and spur you on to commit one of the other dating sins is drinking too much! Maybe you feel funnier or more outgoing for a while, but after a certain point, it’s just more likely to make you act like a moron. You’re more likely to spill into emotional histories and ex-boyfriend stories, and more likely to hop into bed with him without considering the consequences. So lay off the cosmopolitans (well, not completely), sit back, relax, and enjoy your date. And afterwards? Expect his call in two to three days.

The Best Place To Find Suitable Single People

Many people refer to dating as a game. It’s understandable. I mean, you go out and try to figure out in a few hours whether or not the man or woman sitting across the table from you is worth going out with again. People in the dating game make up elaborate plans in order to boost their success rate, while trying to figure out the right place to find a suitable mate. No wonder people call it the dating game!

Yet there is a relatively new piece in the dating game, and that piece is the Internet. Now, more than ever, people can sit in the comfort of their own home, browse profiles, chat online and get an idea of what the other person is like, just by asking a few questions.

The Internet is fast becoming the best place to find suitable single people. Millions of singles are hooking up and building successful relationships over the Internet. However, if you’re looking to find a suitable single guy or gal over the Internet, there are a few things you should keep in mind.

Profile

Sure a profile is great, and most people assume they’re accurate, but this isn’t always the case. People can lie better over the net, than they could in person. It’s important that you keep your profile up to date, and keep in mind that the one you’re viewing on your glowing computer screen might not be as honest as you think.

Region

There are successful long distance relationships, but they are more likely to fail. The stresses of driving back and forth, plus the added strain of not being able to see each other very often, take their toll. In most cases, it’s far better to find someone online who is close to you.

Interests

The guy or gal, who you’re talking to, may be a veritable beauty queen or George Clooney look-a-like, but do they share any of your interests? If you’d like to win the jackpot in the dating game, you may want to make sure they share at least a few interests that you do.  Chat with them, find out what they like to do in their spare time, and you’ll get a better idea of what kind of person they are, and whether or not you’re compatible as a couple.

If you use good judgment, ask questions and be discerning when it comes to online personalities, you can win the dating game and find suitable single people every time.

Online dating related article

• ARA: We’re dating, but his online profiles are still active (timesunion.com)

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