CONTENTMENT

CONTENTMENT

Why do we worry so much?  We worry about not knowing what’s ahead.  We are anxious about our careers, our friends, our relationships, our partners – the list could go on forever.  Can we really ever be content or worry free?  What would it take to get us there?

Well, I have discovered a secret that works for me! I’ve learned that the only way to truly be completely content is through my Faith.   You see, I have never had much in life, but I have always had just enough.  Sometimes, even a little more than just enough, but somehow, I always found myself wanting more with the excuse that I needed it.  How do you cope when you can’t compete with your neighbor?  Do you get mad? Do you feel it’s unfair? Do you even envy them?  I can sincerely say I have never envied anyone for having more, but sometimes, I have thought it unfair.  I have even found myself asking God, “WHY?  Why do they have more?  Why do they seem to have it so  much easier then I?  Why can they get the latest model vehicle and I still have to drive around in my beat up car?”  Believe me; trying to keep up with the Jones can take an emotional toll on you.  I’ve been there, done that, and it’s not WORTH it!!!!

We begin to lose focus on what should really be important to us and by the time we look back, it’s too late, we realize our lives have flashed before us.  We have nothing to show for and feel empty and unfulfilled.

My relationship with God and my family have taught me to be content.  Sure I’ve made many mistakes, as have most of us, but what has helped me get passed my mistakes, is my faith.   I have learned to recognize my errors, repent, and move forward.   Our relationships with our spouses, our children, our friends, partners,  boyfriends, etc, should be what matters most.

Sure it’s been a struggle for me to let go and be free from anxiety and worry.  Trust me when I say, I still deal with it today.  When I’m feeling the attack and my walls are crumbling around me, I seek out my support group, God, my family, my sister’s in Christ and my closest and most truthful friends.  Those friends that will tell me the truth, not the ones that will tell me what I want to hear!  Thank the Lord for friends.  Sometimes I think, with friends like that, who needs enemies!  Well, like it or not, we need them.  Those are the friends you can count on.  When I begin to “freak out,” as my kids would say - I remember this verse:

PHILIPPIANS 4:11~13  11 -I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  12 – I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  13 – I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

 

I decided to join the women’s study group at my church and they were scrutinizing a book called “Calm My Anxious Heat” by Linda Dillow (A Woman’s Guide to Finding Contentment).  Boy was I in for a real treat.  This book not only spoke to my heart, but it inspired me to write this page.  It tells you, Yes You!! Reading this right now! What the solution is for Calming Your Anxious Heart.  We all have anxiety in our life, but how we deal with it is what makes the difference.  This book will guide you to breaking free from that horrible feeling.  If you want to learn how to truly be content, I recommend you read this book.

God bless you I’ll be writing to you soon.

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An ~ InTence Mind

Tips To Dating A Cougar

Dating a cougar is a challenge for young men. Although typically, it is pretty much like dating a younger woman, here are extra tips for men on how to make a date with a cougar successful:

1.  Be sure you are looking at the right place.
2.  Sure, cougars may be found literally anywhere because they look like just your mom or your aunt, only hotter.  In short they can be in the grocery, the subway or the bus station.  But, there are proven two places in finding a potential cougar date: First at the bars or clubs and second, from on line dating websites.
3. Be sure you have the right intentions.
4. It must be remembered that cougars are “cougars” because they are older than you.  They have a lot more experience in dating so expect that they somehow get even your slightest body language. There are cougars that are looking for a boy toy or to be in a relationship with younger man, while there are those who are just want to spend a good time with a younger to guy to relive those fun-under-the-sun days into their lives after 20 years of boring married life.
5. Be sure you don’t bring up the “age gap” topic.
6. Cougars are old enough to know that she is called a “cougar” because she is interested in or flirting with, or will eventually date a younger man. In short, there is no need for you to rub the “age gap” thing in because they already get it. What you should do is to convince your cougar date that you are really interested in her as an attractive woman.
7. Be sure to take her to the right place on your first date.

This way you will have plenty of time to get to know each other. It is important that you treat her just like areal lady that she is.  And just because she is older and richer, it doesn’t mean she has to pay for the bill.  Be a man. Finally, just be yourself, because dating a cougar can be so much fun if you know how.

Things Women Do That Make Men Leave

What’s happening when a man you thought you had a great connection with suddenly starts to withdraw and tells you he isn’t ready for a serious, committed relationship? All too often, women do or say things that are approval seeking.  This behavior is seen by men as unattractive, needy or someone who won’t make  a great partner.

Behaviors such as the following are sure relationship killers:

1. Pretending you don’t want anything serious either
2. Trying to become his best friend
3. Trying to make him jealous by going out with other guys
4. Calling him names and trying to get him into a relationship with you
5. Start doing things he likes to do, complimenting him, or just trying to win over his affection

Instead of doing the kinds of things mentioned above, you need to ditch these types of behaviors and start to understand how a man’s mind really works.

Biological or instinctual traits have been instilled in men over thousands and millions of years of “conditioning” during mating and courtship rituals with women. When a man is looking for a woman, a part of his instinctual “wiring” unconsciously tells him to look for a woman who is healthy and “fit.”

This means that men are biologically wired to look for, and feel “attracted” to women who have the qualities and traits that indicate a high level of health and “fitness.”

But unfortunately, this “screening process” that’s going on inside a man’s mind is largely unconscious. A man looks at much subtler “cues” about a woman that tell him what to think.

Some of these “cues” are:

-Physical Appearance (the obvious one): If you have a specific hip-to-waist ratio, without consciously “measuring” it, a man will see it and possibly feel a physical attraction

-Health: Things like how white the whites in your eyes are, your scent, and the tone and nature of your skin are all subtle indicators of a healthy immune system. Men find white eyes, certain scents, and smooth skin attractive not because they know they indicate that a woman is healthy and will have a high likelihood of success for offspring, but because they feel attracted to these things for some reason.

-”Emotional Fitness”: If a woman has the kind of attitude and “vibe” about her that is fun to be around, stimulating, exciting, and positive and consistent… then a man unconsciously will see her as a good long-term mate.

If you’d like to learn how men think when it comes to the “dating process”… and how a man really thinks about a woman and getting involved in a real relationship with her, then I’ve got just what you need.

Women who don’t understand what the dating and commitment process is like inside a man’s mind seem to keep running into the same painful situations, frustrations, and traps with men.

The way a man grows close to a woman, the reasons why he chooses her over another woman, and when and why he decides to start sharing himself with her and growing a real and committed relationship is simply different than it is for most women.

One of the biggest “make it or break it” points for women in relationships with men is when you start to grow close and want to move from just a casual and unspoken thing into a deeper and more serious relationship.

If you’ve ever felt “stuck” in your love life because you didn’t know how to break through the “casual dating” stage with a man and move into a real and committed relationship, I can help.

If you know much about men, then you probably already know that the answer with a man in this situation is NOT to ask him for a commitment.

Lots of women try this and become frustrated and baffled when the man they thought they were close to completely pulls away from them and even tries to end the relationship all together.

If you want to grow your relationship with a man, the best way to move into a committed relationship isn’t to come up against his emotional resistance to commitment when you bring it up.

The best relationships that women enjoy most, and that last the longest, are the ones where the man is leading the woman into a committed relationship. But for lots of women, things seem to get terribly turned around.

For the greatest chance at happiness and success with a man, and to be able to quickly and easily move from a casual situation to a real and committed relationship with a man, the answer is to learn:

1) How the commitment process works for him

2) How to make a man want to be with you and lead you in to a committed relationship

3) How to keep your relationship growing and healthy so that you both stay emotionally involved and fulfilled by the relationship

Most women NEVER learn these things, and as a result, they never have the kind of success in dating and relationships with men they really want.

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How To Get Over Someone You Love And Move On With Your Life

Are you wondering how to get over someone you love?  Are you at the point where you’re starting to believe that you will feel this heartache forever?  Well the heartache will probably not disappear overnight, but equally, it won’t last forever.

Here are some tips to help you move on.

1)  Still in contact with your ex?  Then the the truth is, to understand how to get over someone you love starts by you breaking all contact with them. There is no point in still talking to your ex on the phone or seeing them socially if you’re trying to get over them and you’re still in love with them. All you’re doing is making the pain you’re in last longer and go deep. So break contact.

2)  Get out and about and meet new people. The last thing that you want to do is to spend your days and nights sitting home alone, brooding and thinking about your ex. If you’re out and about with friends then you can distract yourself and occupy your mind with other things. Yes you probably still have to go home alone, but it means you’re not spending hours on your own when you’re at your most vulnerable.

3)  Be good to yourself. No doubt mistakes were made by both you and your ex, so don’t spend your time blaming yourself for what you did wrong. That’s not to say you shouldn’t accept responsibility for your own mistakes, but learn from what has happened and take what you have learnt into the future.

Understanding how to get over someone you love depends on you coming to terms with where your life now is.  If you’re not happy with yourself, then you will have a hard time leaving your past relationship behind you.

Think about the direction you want your life to go in.  Are you headed the right way or are you stuck or moving in the exact opposite direction?

Do you need to make a different career choice to fulfill your goals?  Is there more studying to be done?  Perhaps you need a different group of friends to socialize with?  Maybe dropping some pounds and getting fit is what you need?  Whatever new path you need to take to move you forward in life, then you need to do it because a move like this is often the answer to the question “how to get over someone you love!”

What’s also worth remembering and will help you, is to accept that just because you love someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be with them.  If that person is not right for you then moving on, for yourself, is the best thing you can do.

10 Steps To Conquer Jealousy

Jealousy is, without a doubt, one of the biggest relationship killers there is.

A person gets jealous of their spouse’s co-workers, best friends, or even just of the person they get coffee from every morning, and when that happens, they get stupid. No, there’s no easy way to put it – we as people get stupid when we’re jealous. It’s a fact of life.

Because we get stupid, our spouses get angry, and annoyed. They know that nothing is going on, so why don’t you know? Worse, your partner can feel hurt and betrayed by the fact that your jealousy (in their mind) means that you don’t trust them.

When someone feels like their partner is overly jealous, they can get upset, and decide ‘Hey, they think I’m cheating – let’s give them something to really be jealous about’, and it can become a miserable, vicious cycle that no one likes. And in the end, the jealousy will ruin even the most solid marriage or relationship.

Don’t fall into that cycle – don’t get stupid. If you care about your partner, continue reading and discover the 10 steps to jealousy-free living… and with it, a better relationship for both of you.

1. Feel Good About Yourself

One of the reasons that most of us get jealous isn’t because we don’t trust our partners, but it’s because we feel inadequate… it could be about the way we look, the way we are in bed, our personality, or various other things. It’s sad… but it’s not a joke.

One of the easiest ways to help overcome jealousy is to start feeling good about yourself again. If you can feel good about the person that you are, inside and out, you’ll probably feel more confident that your partner isn’t looking for anything else.

This can include a number of things. For women, feeling good about themselves can be as short as a shopping trip, a hair trim, and a set of sexy lingerie – but for men, it can be a lot more complicated. Men can play a round of golf with friends they know are worse than them! Or trade in that old Land Rover for that sexy sports car they’ve had their eye on.

Really, take time to look at yourself – you’re a good person, with a great personality, and your partner is lucky to have you. They don’t need to go anywhere else.

Of course if you do find something about yourself that you would like to change to feel happier (you are overweight, you lose your temper easily) then resolve yourself to change it and take action to do that!

2. Take the Mystery out of Their Day

They say that they went to work… okay… but they get off work at 3, it’s 6, and they still haven’t gotten home. What have they been doing? Out and about with some other person?

Doubtful! Most of us don’t take the time to stop and ask our partners how their day has been, but presume we know exactly what happened instead… don’t be stupid, you have no idea what they did, so don’t make things up. That’s when bad things happen.

Make sure to sit down at least once a week, and talk about your day. You don’t need a play by play account, including what they ate for lunch with whom and what socks they wore, because that will make them feel untrusted. But knowing where your partner is going, what they’re doing, and who they’re with can make you feel better. Make sure you ask because you love them and want to get involved in their life though, pointing a finger of blame at them and telling them you want to know exactly what they have been up to this week is not going to go down well.

Set a time aside, starting with once a week, and make sure no matter what sort of schedules you have, you can meet together and talk. Turn off that TV, and turn down that radio – unplug that phone, and ignore the doorbell. Don’t let any distractions keep you from the person you care about most.

3. Spend Time Together

This seems obvious… and stupid. Right? Spending time together? We spend time together, you say! We see each other every night, you groan! Don’t ever confuse being together and spending time together, because there certainly is a difference.

When you’re together, it means you’re in the same room, or even the same house. But you’re doing completely different things. Maybe they’re talking on the phone, while you’re hanging out on the computer.

But when you’re spending time together, you’re doing things together, just the two of you. This can include going out to eat, sitting and talking in front of a fire, or something else entirely. But it has to involve both of you doing something with the other.

Book a flight to a winter paradise, or a summer dream – it can be a cheap flight, and don’t be afraid to plan in advance. So what, you have plans? Who cares about bowling league, or a girls night out! Make this a priority!

Book a romantic hotel room, and plan out dates around that… yes, I said dates. I don’t mean the numbers representing days, but the sort of dates that you’d go on when you first started dating. From picnics to moonlight walks on the beach, building a snowman and spending time with each other in the hotel room.

This does more than just let you spend time together. This can strengthen your bond, and in some cases, save your relationship entirely as it takes you away from the usual stresses that you have in your home town that might make you jealous.

4. Analyze Your Feelings

I know, I know. You don’t think about it – you just do it. We have a tendency to not consider how we feel until it blows up, often in the form of jealousy or anger against our partner. Not only is this unfair for your partner, but it’s going to be unhealthy for your relationship.

Sit down with yourself for a while, and consider it. Why, exactly, are you jealous in the first place? Is it because you honestly and truly think that your girl or guy is doing something behind your back, or is it because you’ve been cheated on before by another spouse?

Much jealousy stems from experience. Your partner now is not the partner that did you wrong, they are not your mother who cheated on your father, or your best friends partner who slept around behind their back.

You have to remember that your partner now is someone special, and if they’ve been with you for this long, there’s a reason – so don’t discredit them, or yourself.

5. Where Did Your Trust Go?

There was a point in your relationship where you weren’t jealous. There was a point where you trusted your partner, cared deeply, and didn’t want to hurt them. That included not being jealous at all, and letting them do as they please.

When was that time in your lives? Was it a few months ago? A few years ago? Think back to that, and remember that your spouse is that same person that you trusted… don’t be fooled by your anger, because it’s doing you no good.

Try to think of why you stopped that trust. Was it that night they said traffic was bad, but you weren’t sure if they lied about where they were? Or how about that time they came home from drinks with friends, and they smelled like a bar? Sure, they had been drinking, but you weren’t sure what else happened?

Pinpoint the moment you lost trust… and again, don’t let your anger fool you. You cannot ever trust your partner, and feel jealousy, at the same time. They are indeed exclusive things.

Once you have figured out when it was you lost your trust you need to work at getting it back, analyze what you were afraid of, remind yourself that your partner is a good person and that they have never done anything since like that which has aroused your suspicion – but yet you keep treating them like they have been!

6. Building Trust

Like I said before, you cannot trust them and feel jealous… that doesn’t happen, and no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise, that trust is gone, weakened… but it doesn’t have to be gone forever.

Building trust is a vital part of any relationship, and it doesn’t stop when you think you have enough. If your trust is weakened by jealousy and worry, then start rebuilding it from the ground up.

The first step is acceptance. This is, without a doubt, the hardest, too. Accept your partner as they are, for everything that he or she is, without wanting or needing to change anything about them at all. That includes them going out late at night to see friends, and spending time with their coworkers, even if they aren’t the same sex.

Accept them for who and what they are, and what they do… start small, by accepting that they’ll never remember to pick up the laundry without writing it down. Then accept that they’re a little goofy, and like to joke around – or a little serious, and hates football. Accept their traits, and the trust will start to build, just make sure if you start doubting them again you go back to square one and start again!

7. Don’t Let Your Jealousy Take Hold

Jealousy is a stickler, and many people let it control them, taking hold of what they’re doing – their actions, their words, and even their thoughts. Never let this happen to you. Never get to the point where your jealousy is controlling you!

Why? Well, we do stupid things when we’re jealous, and if we let our jealousy get the better of us, more stupid things will follow. Like giving them an ultimatum – you either choose between your friends, or me. They’re going to choose you, of course… but they’re going to resent you for the choice. But at the end of the day, who do they come home to? Their friends, or you?

If your jealousy would have its way, they would be locked in a closet day in and day out, so that you always knew where they were and what they were doing. But no one can live in that closet, literally or figuratively – don’t force them, which is what jealousy will do.

If you feel your jealousy, or anger, taking over, take a few deep breaths, and think about the situation. Are you jumping to conclusions? Are you not listening? Really stop for a moment, and remember that they can’t be locked in that proverbial closet. They need space.

Jealousy is all about your fear of losing your partner to someone else, but think of it this way, if you are jealous and possessive you will lose them because of that attitude. A jealous and possessive person is not lovable so if you want to keep them you HAVE to keep your jealousy under control. Remember that the next time you are having trouble controlling it.

8. Realize That They Are a Person Too

Your partner is a living, breathing, functioning person. They wake up like you do, feel like you do, and bleed like you do. That means that they have feelings, and you need to respect that. Your yelling, screaming, and your jealousy effect them more than you probably think, so don’t ever do something you think you’re going to regret, and never purposefully hurt them… that’s just promoting more jealousy.

Also, keep in mind that they need their freedom. Like I said before, you can’t lock them into that closet – you can’t throw away the key and keep them next to you forever and ever. That’s not fair to them, or fair to you. And chances are, if you try to, your partner is going to try harder to get away.

Give them the freedom they so deserve. This isn’t the dark ages, and your partner isn’t yours to own. Let them go out if they want, but know where they are going. Let friends come over, too, so that you can meet the people they spend time with, and realize that they’re not the sex maniacs you might have envisioned.

Give them the freedom that they need, and they truly will love and respect you for being that big of a person to do so. That’s what keeps a relationship strong.

9. Meet Their Friends

Many people get jealous because their spouse is choosing another person’s company over themselves. We hate that we don’t know who our own partner is going out with – and sometimes, we can feel like we should get the ‘final say’ on who the person we love spends time with.

Well… you get no such thing. They’re going to spend time with who they want, when they want. You can’t change that, and trying to control them will make them want to be spend yet more time away from you… something neither of you truly want.

Instead of forcing your partner, ask them to invite some of their friends over one weekend. Not everyone, of course, but have a barbeque or afternoon meal, and let people come over. Not only will you have a lot of fun, but you’ll be able to meet the people that you’ve heard so much about.

Don’t be afraid, or ashamed, to ask for this. Let your spouse know that you don’t want to feel the way you do – you want to know their friends so that you’ll feel more comfortable when they do go out with them. Remember that it’s not a contest, but a chance to get to know everyone your spouse loves spending time with.

10. Communication

I think the number one reason marriages and relationships fail isn’t because they sleep with other people. It isn’t because of that one night stand, or the fact that you drink too much on the weekends. It’s because you lack communication in your relationship.

So instead of blaming it on your spouse, or yourself, start with improving your communication skills. Tell your lover about your day – and they’ll tell you about theirs. Talk about the future, and what you want to do with your life ten, fifteen, even twenty years down the road.

Also, remember these tips to improve your communication,

• Focus on the present. You don’t need to bring up the past to make a point, and never shove a previous mistake in their face. It just makes your lover want to talk to you less and less.
• Always listen to what they’re saying. I’m not saying that you should listen to think of what you’re going to say later, but listen to what they’re saying, and reflect on the meaning of the words. Don’t get defensive, no matter what they’re talking about, and don’t interrupt.
• See from their point of view – yeah, they might have screwed up. Hey, you might have screwed up. But look from their point of view – it could have been an accident. You need to see it the way they do, before you consider anything else.

Getting over the jealousy can be hard. It’s easier to give in, and not care… but jealousy will, without a doubt, destroy your relationship.

Remember that your partner cares about you, and wants you to be happy with yourself, and your relationship. Work together, love each other, and in the end, if you do it right, everything will work itself out for the best.

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