Things Women Do That Make Men Leave

What’s happening when a man you thought you had a great connection with suddenly starts to withdraw and tells you he isn’t ready for a serious, committed relationship? All too often, women do or say things that are approval seeking.  This behavior is seen by men as unattractive, needy or someone who won’t make  a great partner.

Behaviors such as the following are sure relationship killers:

1. Pretending you don’t want anything serious either
2. Trying to become his best friend
3. Trying to make him jealous by going out with other guys
4. Calling him names and trying to get him into a relationship with you
5. Start doing things he likes to do, complimenting him, or just trying to win over his affection

Instead of doing the kinds of things mentioned above, you need to ditch these types of behaviors and start to understand how a man’s mind really works.

Biological or instinctual traits have been instilled in men over thousands and millions of years of “conditioning” during mating and courtship rituals with women. When a man is looking for a woman, a part of his instinctual “wiring” unconsciously tells him to look for a woman who is healthy and “fit.”

This means that men are biologically wired to look for, and feel “attracted” to women who have the qualities and traits that indicate a high level of health and “fitness.”

But unfortunately, this “screening process” that’s going on inside a man’s mind is largely unconscious. A man looks at much subtler “cues” about a woman that tell him what to think.

Some of these “cues” are:

-Physical Appearance (the obvious one): If you have a specific hip-to-waist ratio, without consciously “measuring” it, a man will see it and possibly feel a physical attraction

-Health: Things like how white the whites in your eyes are, your scent, and the tone and nature of your skin are all subtle indicators of a healthy immune system. Men find white eyes, certain scents, and smooth skin attractive not because they know they indicate that a woman is healthy and will have a high likelihood of success for offspring, but because they feel attracted to these things for some reason.

-”Emotional Fitness”: If a woman has the kind of attitude and “vibe” about her that is fun to be around, stimulating, exciting, and positive and consistent… then a man unconsciously will see her as a good long-term mate.

If you’d like to learn how men think when it comes to the “dating process”… and how a man really thinks about a woman and getting involved in a real relationship with her, then I’ve got just what you need.

Women who don’t understand what the dating and commitment process is like inside a man’s mind seem to keep running into the same painful situations, frustrations, and traps with men.

The way a man grows close to a woman, the reasons why he chooses her over another woman, and when and why he decides to start sharing himself with her and growing a real and committed relationship is simply different than it is for most women.

One of the biggest “make it or break it” points for women in relationships with men is when you start to grow close and want to move from just a casual and unspoken thing into a deeper and more serious relationship.

If you’ve ever felt “stuck” in your love life because you didn’t know how to break through the “casual dating” stage with a man and move into a real and committed relationship, I can help.

If you know much about men, then you probably already know that the answer with a man in this situation is NOT to ask him for a commitment.

Lots of women try this and become frustrated and baffled when the man they thought they were close to completely pulls away from them and even tries to end the relationship all together.

If you want to grow your relationship with a man, the best way to move into a committed relationship isn’t to come up against his emotional resistance to commitment when you bring it up.

The best relationships that women enjoy most, and that last the longest, are the ones where the man is leading the woman into a committed relationship. But for lots of women, things seem to get terribly turned around.

For the greatest chance at happiness and success with a man, and to be able to quickly and easily move from a casual situation to a real and committed relationship with a man, the answer is to learn:

1) How the commitment process works for him

2) How to make a man want to be with you and lead you in to a committed relationship

3) How to keep your relationship growing and healthy so that you both stay emotionally involved and fulfilled by the relationship

Most women NEVER learn these things, and as a result, they never have the kind of success in dating and relationships with men they really want.

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How To Get Over Someone You Love And Move On With Your Life

Are you wondering how to get over someone you love?  Are you at the point where you’re starting to believe that you will feel this heartache forever?  Well the heartache will probably not disappear overnight, but equally, it won’t last forever.

Here are some tips to help you move on.

1)  Still in contact with your ex?  Then the the truth is, to understand how to get over someone you love starts by you breaking all contact with them. There is no point in still talking to your ex on the phone or seeing them socially if you’re trying to get over them and you’re still in love with them. All you’re doing is making the pain you’re in last longer and go deep. So break contact.

2)  Get out and about and meet new people. The last thing that you want to do is to spend your days and nights sitting home alone, brooding and thinking about your ex. If you’re out and about with friends then you can distract yourself and occupy your mind with other things. Yes you probably still have to go home alone, but it means you’re not spending hours on your own when you’re at your most vulnerable.

3)  Be good to yourself. No doubt mistakes were made by both you and your ex, so don’t spend your time blaming yourself for what you did wrong. That’s not to say you shouldn’t accept responsibility for your own mistakes, but learn from what has happened and take what you have learnt into the future.

Understanding how to get over someone you love depends on you coming to terms with where your life now is.  If you’re not happy with yourself, then you will have a hard time leaving your past relationship behind you.

Think about the direction you want your life to go in.  Are you headed the right way or are you stuck or moving in the exact opposite direction?

Do you need to make a different career choice to fulfill your goals?  Is there more studying to be done?  Perhaps you need a different group of friends to socialize with?  Maybe dropping some pounds and getting fit is what you need?  Whatever new path you need to take to move you forward in life, then you need to do it because a move like this is often the answer to the question “how to get over someone you love!”

What’s also worth remembering and will help you, is to accept that just because you love someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be with them.  If that person is not right for you then moving on, for yourself, is the best thing you can do.

10 Steps To Conquer Jealousy

Jealousy is, without a doubt, one of the biggest relationship killers there is.

A person gets jealous of their spouse’s co-workers, best friends, or even just of the person they get coffee from every morning, and when that happens, they get stupid. No, there’s no easy way to put it – we as people get stupid when we’re jealous. It’s a fact of life.

Because we get stupid, our spouses get angry, and annoyed. They know that nothing is going on, so why don’t you know? Worse, your partner can feel hurt and betrayed by the fact that your jealousy (in their mind) means that you don’t trust them.

When someone feels like their partner is overly jealous, they can get upset, and decide ‘Hey, they think I’m cheating – let’s give them something to really be jealous about’, and it can become a miserable, vicious cycle that no one likes. And in the end, the jealousy will ruin even the most solid marriage or relationship.

Don’t fall into that cycle – don’t get stupid. If you care about your partner, continue reading and discover the 10 steps to jealousy-free living… and with it, a better relationship for both of you.

1. Feel Good About Yourself

One of the reasons that most of us get jealous isn’t because we don’t trust our partners, but it’s because we feel inadequate… it could be about the way we look, the way we are in bed, our personality, or various other things. It’s sad… but it’s not a joke.

One of the easiest ways to help overcome jealousy is to start feeling good about yourself again. If you can feel good about the person that you are, inside and out, you’ll probably feel more confident that your partner isn’t looking for anything else.

This can include a number of things. For women, feeling good about themselves can be as short as a shopping trip, a hair trim, and a set of sexy lingerie – but for men, it can be a lot more complicated. Men can play a round of golf with friends they know are worse than them! Or trade in that old Land Rover for that sexy sports car they’ve had their eye on.

Really, take time to look at yourself – you’re a good person, with a great personality, and your partner is lucky to have you. They don’t need to go anywhere else.

Of course if you do find something about yourself that you would like to change to feel happier (you are overweight, you lose your temper easily) then resolve yourself to change it and take action to do that!

2. Take the Mystery out of Their Day

They say that they went to work… okay… but they get off work at 3, it’s 6, and they still haven’t gotten home. What have they been doing? Out and about with some other person?

Doubtful! Most of us don’t take the time to stop and ask our partners how their day has been, but presume we know exactly what happened instead… don’t be stupid, you have no idea what they did, so don’t make things up. That’s when bad things happen.

Make sure to sit down at least once a week, and talk about your day. You don’t need a play by play account, including what they ate for lunch with whom and what socks they wore, because that will make them feel untrusted. But knowing where your partner is going, what they’re doing, and who they’re with can make you feel better. Make sure you ask because you love them and want to get involved in their life though, pointing a finger of blame at them and telling them you want to know exactly what they have been up to this week is not going to go down well.

Set a time aside, starting with once a week, and make sure no matter what sort of schedules you have, you can meet together and talk. Turn off that TV, and turn down that radio – unplug that phone, and ignore the doorbell. Don’t let any distractions keep you from the person you care about most.

3. Spend Time Together

This seems obvious… and stupid. Right? Spending time together? We spend time together, you say! We see each other every night, you groan! Don’t ever confuse being together and spending time together, because there certainly is a difference.

When you’re together, it means you’re in the same room, or even the same house. But you’re doing completely different things. Maybe they’re talking on the phone, while you’re hanging out on the computer.

But when you’re spending time together, you’re doing things together, just the two of you. This can include going out to eat, sitting and talking in front of a fire, or something else entirely. But it has to involve both of you doing something with the other.

Book a flight to a winter paradise, or a summer dream – it can be a cheap flight, and don’t be afraid to plan in advance. So what, you have plans? Who cares about bowling league, or a girls night out! Make this a priority!

Book a romantic hotel room, and plan out dates around that… yes, I said dates. I don’t mean the numbers representing days, but the sort of dates that you’d go on when you first started dating. From picnics to moonlight walks on the beach, building a snowman and spending time with each other in the hotel room.

This does more than just let you spend time together. This can strengthen your bond, and in some cases, save your relationship entirely as it takes you away from the usual stresses that you have in your home town that might make you jealous.

4. Analyze Your Feelings

I know, I know. You don’t think about it – you just do it. We have a tendency to not consider how we feel until it blows up, often in the form of jealousy or anger against our partner. Not only is this unfair for your partner, but it’s going to be unhealthy for your relationship.

Sit down with yourself for a while, and consider it. Why, exactly, are you jealous in the first place? Is it because you honestly and truly think that your girl or guy is doing something behind your back, or is it because you’ve been cheated on before by another spouse?

Much jealousy stems from experience. Your partner now is not the partner that did you wrong, they are not your mother who cheated on your father, or your best friends partner who slept around behind their back.

You have to remember that your partner now is someone special, and if they’ve been with you for this long, there’s a reason – so don’t discredit them, or yourself.

5. Where Did Your Trust Go?

There was a point in your relationship where you weren’t jealous. There was a point where you trusted your partner, cared deeply, and didn’t want to hurt them. That included not being jealous at all, and letting them do as they please.

When was that time in your lives? Was it a few months ago? A few years ago? Think back to that, and remember that your spouse is that same person that you trusted… don’t be fooled by your anger, because it’s doing you no good.

Try to think of why you stopped that trust. Was it that night they said traffic was bad, but you weren’t sure if they lied about where they were? Or how about that time they came home from drinks with friends, and they smelled like a bar? Sure, they had been drinking, but you weren’t sure what else happened?

Pinpoint the moment you lost trust… and again, don’t let your anger fool you. You cannot ever trust your partner, and feel jealousy, at the same time. They are indeed exclusive things.

Once you have figured out when it was you lost your trust you need to work at getting it back, analyze what you were afraid of, remind yourself that your partner is a good person and that they have never done anything since like that which has aroused your suspicion – but yet you keep treating them like they have been!

6. Building Trust

Like I said before, you cannot trust them and feel jealous… that doesn’t happen, and no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise, that trust is gone, weakened… but it doesn’t have to be gone forever.

Building trust is a vital part of any relationship, and it doesn’t stop when you think you have enough. If your trust is weakened by jealousy and worry, then start rebuilding it from the ground up.

The first step is acceptance. This is, without a doubt, the hardest, too. Accept your partner as they are, for everything that he or she is, without wanting or needing to change anything about them at all. That includes them going out late at night to see friends, and spending time with their coworkers, even if they aren’t the same sex.

Accept them for who and what they are, and what they do… start small, by accepting that they’ll never remember to pick up the laundry without writing it down. Then accept that they’re a little goofy, and like to joke around – or a little serious, and hates football. Accept their traits, and the trust will start to build, just make sure if you start doubting them again you go back to square one and start again!

7. Don’t Let Your Jealousy Take Hold

Jealousy is a stickler, and many people let it control them, taking hold of what they’re doing – their actions, their words, and even their thoughts. Never let this happen to you. Never get to the point where your jealousy is controlling you!

Why? Well, we do stupid things when we’re jealous, and if we let our jealousy get the better of us, more stupid things will follow. Like giving them an ultimatum – you either choose between your friends, or me. They’re going to choose you, of course… but they’re going to resent you for the choice. But at the end of the day, who do they come home to? Their friends, or you?

If your jealousy would have its way, they would be locked in a closet day in and day out, so that you always knew where they were and what they were doing. But no one can live in that closet, literally or figuratively – don’t force them, which is what jealousy will do.

If you feel your jealousy, or anger, taking over, take a few deep breaths, and think about the situation. Are you jumping to conclusions? Are you not listening? Really stop for a moment, and remember that they can’t be locked in that proverbial closet. They need space.

Jealousy is all about your fear of losing your partner to someone else, but think of it this way, if you are jealous and possessive you will lose them because of that attitude. A jealous and possessive person is not lovable so if you want to keep them you HAVE to keep your jealousy under control. Remember that the next time you are having trouble controlling it.

8. Realize That They Are a Person Too

Your partner is a living, breathing, functioning person. They wake up like you do, feel like you do, and bleed like you do. That means that they have feelings, and you need to respect that. Your yelling, screaming, and your jealousy effect them more than you probably think, so don’t ever do something you think you’re going to regret, and never purposefully hurt them… that’s just promoting more jealousy.

Also, keep in mind that they need their freedom. Like I said before, you can’t lock them into that closet – you can’t throw away the key and keep them next to you forever and ever. That’s not fair to them, or fair to you. And chances are, if you try to, your partner is going to try harder to get away.

Give them the freedom they so deserve. This isn’t the dark ages, and your partner isn’t yours to own. Let them go out if they want, but know where they are going. Let friends come over, too, so that you can meet the people they spend time with, and realize that they’re not the sex maniacs you might have envisioned.

Give them the freedom that they need, and they truly will love and respect you for being that big of a person to do so. That’s what keeps a relationship strong.

9. Meet Their Friends

Many people get jealous because their spouse is choosing another person’s company over themselves. We hate that we don’t know who our own partner is going out with – and sometimes, we can feel like we should get the ‘final say’ on who the person we love spends time with.

Well… you get no such thing. They’re going to spend time with who they want, when they want. You can’t change that, and trying to control them will make them want to be spend yet more time away from you… something neither of you truly want.

Instead of forcing your partner, ask them to invite some of their friends over one weekend. Not everyone, of course, but have a barbeque or afternoon meal, and let people come over. Not only will you have a lot of fun, but you’ll be able to meet the people that you’ve heard so much about.

Don’t be afraid, or ashamed, to ask for this. Let your spouse know that you don’t want to feel the way you do – you want to know their friends so that you’ll feel more comfortable when they do go out with them. Remember that it’s not a contest, but a chance to get to know everyone your spouse loves spending time with.

10. Communication

I think the number one reason marriages and relationships fail isn’t because they sleep with other people. It isn’t because of that one night stand, or the fact that you drink too much on the weekends. It’s because you lack communication in your relationship.

So instead of blaming it on your spouse, or yourself, start with improving your communication skills. Tell your lover about your day – and they’ll tell you about theirs. Talk about the future, and what you want to do with your life ten, fifteen, even twenty years down the road.

Also, remember these tips to improve your communication,

• Focus on the present. You don’t need to bring up the past to make a point, and never shove a previous mistake in their face. It just makes your lover want to talk to you less and less.
• Always listen to what they’re saying. I’m not saying that you should listen to think of what you’re going to say later, but listen to what they’re saying, and reflect on the meaning of the words. Don’t get defensive, no matter what they’re talking about, and don’t interrupt.
• See from their point of view – yeah, they might have screwed up. Hey, you might have screwed up. But look from their point of view – it could have been an accident. You need to see it the way they do, before you consider anything else.

Getting over the jealousy can be hard. It’s easier to give in, and not care… but jealousy will, without a doubt, destroy your relationship.

Remember that your partner cares about you, and wants you to be happy with yourself, and your relationship. Work together, love each other, and in the end, if you do it right, everything will work itself out for the best.

Dating Rules for Women

The Do’s and Don’ts of dating

Just as there are dating rules for guys, women have some general rules that they should follow when entering the dating game. These are just general rules I found, so don’t take things too seriously.
General rules exists because courtship is a ritual. We make things happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched?

In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow. The bottom line is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules that you are playing by, you can change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing.

General Dating Rules

* Always look great. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right.
* Never reveal information you don’t have to.
* Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
* Try and stay in shape and include some fitness regime at a gym. Men love your body as much as your mind.
* Let your man pay. If he is interested, he’ll want to ensure you eat well and get home safely.
* Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn’t know what a florist is, dump him.
* Never, ever, sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
* Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady’s perogative.
* Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
* If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
* Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
* Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
* Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
* Never ever talk about previous boyfriends. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
* Never assume anything about your date until you know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
* If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, dump him. Life is too short for boys.
* If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
* Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
* Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. This will chase him away.
* If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
* You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
* If you want a child, don’t mention it on the first few dates.
* Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

10 Questions To Strengthen Your Relationship

It can sometimes be tough to get past a certain stage in a relationship… we expect our partner to do most of the getting past, and to just drag us along with them, but sometimes we end up in a rut!

You find your relationship is comfortable, secure… but it’s not a deep bond, or a lasting thing, and sometimes all we want is some security. How can you take your relationship to the next level?

These ten simple questions can take your relationship deeper, and you never have to admit to anyone that you asked any of them! They’re easy questions to ask and answer, but they really do give you insight into the person you’re sitting with, and the person you want to spend your life with.

1. In life, what are you most fearful of? It could be certain people, interactions, feelings, creatures…? Does your fear hold you back, or can you break through?

This question really lets you into the mind of the person you’re with, without poking and prodding too much. Knowing their fears lets you know their weaknesses, and their strengths, and the fact that they trust you enough to share this with you is important.

Sometimes it’s hard for a person to answer this sort of question. They might be a little nervous to let themselves become vulnerable to you, but they’ll answer when they trust you enough. Fear is a big thing, and you have to understand and appreciate their fear to understand them.

Don’t ever make fun of their fear, either – be it spiders or being broke. It’s something they are truly afraid of, and you need to respect that… even if you think it is stupid.

2. What would you need to have in your life to consider yourself truly ‘rich’?

The first answer that probably comes to mind is money, but that’s a cop out answer, and you both know it. Understanding what your partner considers a rich and full life is really important, because you can compare life goals and see if they are going to head in a direction that you want to go in.

Really consider your own answer as well before you ask it – you know that they are going to ask you the question in return. Try to think of what you value in life… maybe a ‘rich’ life would be a nice home, a husband or wife, financial and job security. Or it might be a life full of traveling and visiting new and exciting places, with or without someone by your side.

Think about it before you answer, and let them see inside of you too. It’s important to answer these questions so you can trust one another. Sound stupid? Maybe – but it’s the truth.

3. Are there any old feelings or grievances about your parents that you haven’t told me, good or bad?

Understanding your partner’s relationship with their parents is important, not only because you get an insight into his or her past, but you can see issues that might crop up in the future too.

For a lady – was her father verbally or physically abusive? She might have a harder time trusting men because of that, so you’ll need to be respectful of that.

For a guy – was his mother the type to cook and clean, and never let her husband lift a finger when it comes to chores, or did her father do most of the cleaning? He’ll more than likely expect your relationship to be the same as between his parents, so if the father didn’t clean a lot, then he’ll expect not to have to pitch in around the house.

Try to pick apart their relationship with their parents, and really understand what it was like. Then you’ll know why they are the way they are, and how you can help them through any problems that might arise between them and their parents in the future.

4. In our relationship, have you ever said anything to me that you wish you could take back? Do you have anything that you wanted to say to me, but couldn’t?

This is an important one. We all get angry, and most of us can say certain things that we wish we could take back, sure it won’t make our feelings go away, or the hurt, but knowing what they are is important.

Don’t forget to forgive them for what he or she’s said in the past, as their answers are their way of seeking your approval and forgiveness, and be patient as they tell you something they’ve always wanted to say. It’s hard for a lot of people to share their feelings, so go easy on them.

Always be honest when it comes to your turn to answer too, and really think about the question before you dismiss it. Was there a time when you yelled, and didn’t mean to? Or something you said that still haunts you? Getting it out in the open in a calm setting can strengthen your bond, relieve pent up guilt and frustration, and really bring you to that next level of a relationship.

5. Have you ever heard of things happening in some else’s relationship that you want to make sure don’t happen in ours?  What are they?

Always know what your partner expects, and doesn’t expect, from your relationship together. You have to realize that they, like you, have probably been through some bad relationships, and heard about a lot more.

Make sure you know what your partner needs in your relationship, and what they want to avoid. Take steps to prevent anything that they are afraid of – moving away, losing contact, or simply getting tired of each other – from happening. Don’t make fun of any worries either. They are worrying about them because they are valid fears in their eyes.

Think about your answer too. What sort of things do you want to avoid? Remember to be honest, and don’t be afraid of expressing yourself.

6. What do you need from me materially, physically, emotionally and spiritually for you to feel completely and totally fulfilled?

Knowing what your partner needs from you is important, because if you fumble around in your relationship without a care or clue of what they need, they’re either going to leave you (trust me on this one) or resent you. Understand exactly what they need from you to feel complete and whole.

Men and women have needs that the opposite sex do not understand, and would never guess on their own. Most of the needs may feel stupid to you, and you might feel silly trying to fill them all, but they’ll really appreciate the effort, and your relationship will be stronger than you can imagine.

When they bounce the question to you, really think about it. What can they do to help you feel good in the relationship. Whether it’s watching TV on the weekends every now and then, letting you go out with the girls/guys once or twice a month, or just spending more time doing things you enjoy instead of always doing things they like, let them know.

This is all part of building a strong foundation – if you can’t, or don’t want to, meet their needs then there’s something wrong.

7. Do you have anything in your life that you have never forgiven yourself for? Or has anyone ever said or done anything to you that you have never forgiven? In both cases why have you not been able to forgive?

Learning your partners mistakes in life, and the mistakes they consider unforgivable, is important. Not only can you avoid certain things they detest, but you can learn more about their character.

Don’t be worried if they are unsure if they want to tell you. Most of the time, digging up our own mistakes is worse than talking about the mistakes of others. We feel stupid, silly, and embarrassed discussing what we did wrong, so give them time to come to terms with it again before sharing it.

Try your hardest not to ‘blow off’ this question too. Just as you want to learn what they hate, they want to learn what you hate. Take time to consider your mistakes, and choose something that really bothers you, something you’ve never been able to completely forgive yourself for, to share. They will appreciate your honesty, and feel closer to you just knowing that you’re willing to share.

8. In what situations do you feel completely at peace, or comfortable?

Think of when you feel comfortable with everything – yourself, your life, everything. Is it when you’re sitting on the couch, soda in hand, watching your favorite TV show? How about skiing down a mountainside, or just laying in bed, in that place between wakefulness and sleep, with your partner by your side?

These are moments we share with each other because we care. It sounds soppy and stupid, but sharing with them when you feel most peaceful is important, so they can do the same. If you can understand why your partner is comfortable in a certain environment, you can make sure to cater to that, and help them feel at peace more of the time.

Never laugh at their answer, and remember to be honest with them about yours. After you ask, take small moments to help make them feel at peace – whether it is giving them alone time to read, or write, or maybe taking them out for long walks at a beach. Even just letting him/her take over a corner of the spare bedroom to turn into a meditation/exercise area can make them feel special, remembered, and loved.

9. Over the past 5-10 years, how do you think your life has changed? How have you changed as a person? Do you think these changes have been for the better, or the worse?

This question is best started by discussing how you’ve changed in the last few years – it makes them feel more comfortable and open, and gives them time to think of their answers. Knowing how your partner has changed is important, as it lets you know how they are going to change in the future, too.

Don’t condemn their answers if they’ve changed for the negative either, because you can’t say that you’ve become a completely better person in the last few years – some changes, even small may have been for the worst, so don’t ever judge them. They’ll appreciate an open, free environment, and they’ll be much more willing to share themselves emotionally with you in the future.

Trust them to be honest with you, and be honest with them too. Really study and look back at your life… and consider how it’s going to change in the next few years. Discuss this too, and compare goals.

10. What type of things do you worry about? Is there something you constantly worry about?

The first step to soothing any fears is knowing what they are. Is your partner worried about money, life, death, family, friends, even your relationship? Understand and respect these worries, because they matter to them.

Talk about your worries, too, even if you’re not used to doing so. It might even be a bit difficult to put your worries into words, and that’s okay, because they are there to listen and help you through that. If you can both understand each other you’ve taken another step to living more worry free.

After you’ve realized their worries, try to help them through them, and set them to rest. If they are worried about money, do small things to help generate – or save – a bit more, like working an hour or two overtime, or cutting back on spending a bit. If they are worried about their family, take them to see them more.

…and yes this is different to number 1 about fears! Fears and worries are two different animals you need to understand and conquer!

It Might Seem Hard…

…trying to strengthen and build a deeper bond. But asking the right questions, and knowing those answers, is something that will really help you both. And you’ll look like a wonderful partner for asking them – they’ll understand that you care about them, and they’ll appreciate that care more than anything else.

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