Behaviors such as the following are sure relationship killers:

1. Pretending you don’t want anything serious either
2. Trying to become his best friend
3. Trying to make him jealous by going out with other guys
4. Calling him names and trying to get him into a relationship with you
5. Start doing things he likes to do, complimenting him, or just trying to win over his affection

Instead of doing the kinds of things mentioned above, you need to ditch these types of behaviors and start to understand how a man’s mind really works.

Biological or instinctual traits have been instilled in men over thousands and millions of years of “conditioning” during mating and courtship rituals with women. When a man is looking for a woman, a part of his instinctual “wiring” unconsciously tells him to look for a woman who is healthy and “fit.”

This means that men are biologically wired to look for, and feel “attracted” to women who have the qualities and traits that indicate a high level of health and “fitness.”

But unfortunately, this “screening process” that’s going on inside a man’s mind is largely unconscious. A man looks at much subtler “cues” about a woman that tell him what to think.

Some of these “cues” are:

-Physical Appearance (the obvious one): If you have a specific hip-to-waist ratio, without consciously “measuring” it, a man will see it and possibly feel a physical attraction

-Health: Things like how white the whites in your eyes are, your scent, and the tone and nature of your skin are all subtle indicators of a healthy immune system. Men find white eyes, certain scents, and smooth skin attractive not because they know they indicate that a woman is healthy and will have a high likelihood of success for offspring, but because they feel attracted to these things for some reason.

-”Emotional Fitness”: If a woman has the kind of attitude and “vibe” about her that is fun to be around, stimulating, exciting, and positive and consistent… then a man unconsciously will see her as a good long-term mate.

If you’d like to learn how men think when it comes to the “dating process”… and how a man really thinks about a woman and getting involved in a real relationship with her, then I’ve got just what you need.

Women who don’t understand what the dating and commitment process is like inside a man’s mind seem to keep running into the same painful situations, frustrations, and traps with men.

The way a man grows close to a woman, the reasons why he chooses her over another woman, and when and why he decides to start sharing himself with her and growing a real and committed relationship is simply different than it is for most women.

One of the biggest “make it or break it” points for women in relationships with men is when you start to grow close and want to move from just a casual and unspoken thing into a deeper and more serious relationship.

If you’ve ever felt “stuck” in your love life because you didn’t know how to break through the “casual dating” stage with a man and move into a real and committed relationship, I can help.

If you know much about men, then you probably already know that the answer with a man in this situation is NOT to ask him for a commitment.

Lots of women try this and become frustrated and baffled when the man they thought they were close to completely pulls away from them and even tries to end the relationship all together.

If you want to grow your relationship with a man, the best way to move into a committed relationship isn’t to come up against his emotional resistance to commitment when you bring it up.

The best relationships that women enjoy most, and that last the longest, are the ones where the man is leading the woman into a committed relationship. But for lots of women, things seem to get terribly turned around.

For the greatest chance at happiness and success with a man, and to be able to quickly and easily move from a casual situation to a real and committed relationship with a man, the answer is to learn:

1) How the commitment process works for him

2) How to make a man want to be with you and lead you in to a committed relationship

3) How to keep your relationship growing and healthy so that you both stay emotionally involved and fulfilled by the relationship

Most women NEVER learn these things, and as a result, they never have the kind of success in dating and relationships with men they really want.

CLICK IMAGE ABOVE

Here are some tips to help you move on.

1)  Still in contact with your ex?  Then the the truth is, to understand how to get over someone you love starts by you breaking all contact with them. There is no point in still talking to your ex on the phone or seeing them socially if you’re trying to get over them and you’re still in love with them. All you’re doing is making the pain you’re in last longer and go deep. So break contact.

2)  Get out and about and meet new people. The last thing that you want to do is to spend your days and nights sitting home alone, brooding and thinking about your ex. If you’re out and about with friends then you can distract yourself and occupy your mind with other things. Yes you probably still have to go home alone, but it means you’re not spending hours on your own when you’re at your most vulnerable.

3)  Be good to yourself. No doubt mistakes were made by both you and your ex, so don’t spend your time blaming yourself for what you did wrong. That’s not to say you shouldn’t accept responsibility for your own mistakes, but learn from what has happened and take what you have learnt into the future.

Understanding how to get over someone you love depends on you coming to terms with where your life now is.  If you’re not happy with yourself, then you will have a hard time leaving your past relationship behind you.

Think about the direction you want your life to go in.  Are you headed the right way or are you stuck or moving in the exact opposite direction?

Do you need to make a different career choice to fulfill your goals?  Is there more studying to be done?  Perhaps you need a different group of friends to socialize with?  Maybe dropping some pounds and getting fit is what you need?  Whatever new path you need to take to move you forward in life, then you need to do it because a move like this is often the answer to the question “how to get over someone you love!”

What’s also worth remembering and will help you, is to accept that just because you love someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be with them.  If that person is not right for you then moving on, for yourself, is the best thing you can do.

You find your relationship is comfortable, secure… but it’s not a deep bond, or a lasting thing, and sometimes all we want is some security. How can you take your relationship to the next level?

These ten simple questions can take your relationship deeper, and you never have to admit to anyone that you asked any of them! They’re easy questions to ask and answer, but they really do give you insight into the person you’re sitting with, and the person you want to spend your life with.

1. In life, what are you most fearful of? It could be certain people, interactions, feelings, creatures…? Does your fear hold you back, or can you break through?

This question really lets you into the mind of the person you’re with, without poking and prodding too much. Knowing their fears lets you know their weaknesses, and their strengths, and the fact that they trust you enough to share this with you is important.

Sometimes it’s hard for a person to answer this sort of question. They might be a little nervous to let themselves become vulnerable to you, but they’ll answer when they trust you enough. Fear is a big thing, and you have to understand and appreciate their fear to understand them.

Don’t ever make fun of their fear, either – be it spiders or being broke. It’s something they are truly afraid of, and you need to respect that… even if you think it is stupid.

2. What would you need to have in your life to consider yourself truly ‘rich’?

The first answer that probably comes to mind is money, but that’s a cop out answer, and you both know it. Understanding what your partner considers a rich and full life is really important, because you can compare life goals and see if they are going to head in a direction that you want to go in.

Really consider your own answer as well before you ask it – you know that they are going to ask you the question in return. Try to think of what you value in life… maybe a ‘rich’ life would be a nice home, a husband or wife, financial and job security. Or it might be a life full of traveling and visiting new and exciting places, with or without someone by your side.

Think about it before you answer, and let them see inside of you too. It’s important to answer these questions so you can trust one another. Sound stupid? Maybe – but it’s the truth.

3. Are there any old feelings or grievances about your parents that you haven’t told me, good or bad?

Understanding your partner’s relationship with their parents is important, not only because you get an insight into his or her past, but you can see issues that might crop up in the future too.

For a lady – was her father verbally or physically abusive? She might have a harder time trusting men because of that, so you’ll need to be respectful of that.

For a guy – was his mother the type to cook and clean, and never let her husband lift a finger when it comes to chores, or did her father do most of the cleaning? He’ll more than likely expect your relationship to be the same as between his parents, so if the father didn’t clean a lot, then he’ll expect not to have to pitch in around the house.

Try to pick apart their relationship with their parents, and really understand what it was like. Then you’ll know why they are the way they are, and how you can help them through any problems that might arise between them and their parents in the future.

4. In our relationship, have you ever said anything to me that you wish you could take back? Do you have anything that you wanted to say to me, but couldn’t?

This is an important one. We all get angry, and most of us can say certain things that we wish we could take back, sure it won’t make our feelings go away, or the hurt, but knowing what they are is important.

Don’t forget to forgive them for what he or she’s said in the past, as their answers are their way of seeking your approval and forgiveness, and be patient as they tell you something they’ve always wanted to say. It’s hard for a lot of people to share their feelings, so go easy on them.

Always be honest when it comes to your turn to answer too, and really think about the question before you dismiss it. Was there a time when you yelled, and didn’t mean to? Or something you said that still haunts you? Getting it out in the open in a calm setting can strengthen your bond, relieve pent up guilt and frustration, and really bring you to that next level of a relationship.

5. Have you ever heard of things happening in some else’s relationship that you want to make sure don’t happen in ours?  What are they?

Always know what your partner expects, and doesn’t expect, from your relationship together. You have to realize that they, like you, have probably been through some bad relationships, and heard about a lot more.

Make sure you know what your partner needs in your relationship, and what they want to avoid. Take steps to prevent anything that they are afraid of – moving away, losing contact, or simply getting tired of each other – from happening. Don’t make fun of any worries either. They are worrying about them because they are valid fears in their eyes.

Think about your answer too. What sort of things do you want to avoid? Remember to be honest, and don’t be afraid of expressing yourself.

6. What do you need from me materially, physically, emotionally and spiritually for you to feel completely and totally fulfilled?

Knowing what your partner needs from you is important, because if you fumble around in your relationship without a care or clue of what they need, they’re either going to leave you (trust me on this one) or resent you. Understand exactly what they need from you to feel complete and whole.

Men and women have needs that the opposite sex do not understand, and would never guess on their own. Most of the needs may feel stupid to you, and you might feel silly trying to fill them all, but they’ll really appreciate the effort, and your relationship will be stronger than you can imagine.

When they bounce the question to you, really think about it. What can they do to help you feel good in the relationship. Whether it’s watching TV on the weekends every now and then, letting you go out with the girls/guys once or twice a month, or just spending more time doing things you enjoy instead of always doing things they like, let them know.

This is all part of building a strong foundation – if you can’t, or don’t want to, meet their needs then there’s something wrong.

7. Do you have anything in your life that you have never forgiven yourself for? Or has anyone ever said or done anything to you that you have never forgiven? In both cases why have you not been able to forgive?

Learning your partners mistakes in life, and the mistakes they consider unforgivable, is important. Not only can you avoid certain things they detest, but you can learn more about their character.

Don’t be worried if they are unsure if they want to tell you. Most of the time, digging up our own mistakes is worse than talking about the mistakes of others. We feel stupid, silly, and embarrassed discussing what we did wrong, so give them time to come to terms with it again before sharing it.

Try your hardest not to ‘blow off’ this question too. Just as you want to learn what they hate, they want to learn what you hate. Take time to consider your mistakes, and choose something that really bothers you, something you’ve never been able to completely forgive yourself for, to share. They will appreciate your honesty, and feel closer to you just knowing that you’re willing to share.

8. In what situations do you feel completely at peace, or comfortable?

Think of when you feel comfortable with everything – yourself, your life, everything. Is it when you’re sitting on the couch, soda in hand, watching your favorite TV show? How about skiing down a mountainside, or just laying in bed, in that place between wakefulness and sleep, with your partner by your side?

These are moments we share with each other because we care. It sounds soppy and stupid, but sharing with them when you feel most peaceful is important, so they can do the same. If you can understand why your partner is comfortable in a certain environment, you can make sure to cater to that, and help them feel at peace more of the time.

Never laugh at their answer, and remember to be honest with them about yours. After you ask, take small moments to help make them feel at peace – whether it is giving them alone time to read, or write, or maybe taking them out for long walks at a beach. Even just letting him/her take over a corner of the spare bedroom to turn into a meditation/exercise area can make them feel special, remembered, and loved.

9. Over the past 5-10 years, how do you think your life has changed? How have you changed as a person? Do you think these changes have been for the better, or the worse?

This question is best started by discussing how you’ve changed in the last few years – it makes them feel more comfortable and open, and gives them time to think of their answers. Knowing how your partner has changed is important, as it lets you know how they are going to change in the future, too.

Don’t condemn their answers if they’ve changed for the negative either, because you can’t say that you’ve become a completely better person in the last few years – some changes, even small may have been for the worst, so don’t ever judge them. They’ll appreciate an open, free environment, and they’ll be much more willing to share themselves emotionally with you in the future.

Trust them to be honest with you, and be honest with them too. Really study and look back at your life… and consider how it’s going to change in the next few years. Discuss this too, and compare goals.

10. What type of things do you worry about? Is there something you constantly worry about?

The first step to soothing any fears is knowing what they are. Is your partner worried about money, life, death, family, friends, even your relationship? Understand and respect these worries, because they matter to them.

Talk about your worries, too, even if you’re not used to doing so. It might even be a bit difficult to put your worries into words, and that’s okay, because they are there to listen and help you through that. If you can both understand each other you’ve taken another step to living more worry free.

After you’ve realized their worries, try to help them through them, and set them to rest. If they are worried about money, do small things to help generate – or save – a bit more, like working an hour or two overtime, or cutting back on spending a bit. If they are worried about their family, take them to see them more.

…and yes this is different to number 1 about fears! Fears and worries are two different animals you need to understand and conquer!

It Might Seem Hard…

…trying to strengthen and build a deeper bond. But asking the right questions, and knowing those answers, is something that will really help you both. And you’ll look like a wonderful partner for asking them – they’ll understand that you care about them, and they’ll appreciate that care more than anything else.

Dating is like a game, the more you do it, the better you get. Some people have natural talent when it comes to dating, and some people have to try, try and try again. But like a game, you have a much better chance of winning if you keep in mind the rules of play.

Look Your Best

Looks aren’t everything, but good hygiene, neat appearance and a pleasant body odor can come in handy when playing the dating game. Take some time to put yourself together. Your date will appreciate the effort, and it shows that you care about your appearance.

Confidence is a Man’s or Woman’s Best Friend

To win the dating game every time, confidence is required. Confidence is sexy. Both men and women are attracted to it, so it’s important that you gain some. This doesn’t mean you should be cocky, egotistical or a jerk. It just means you should seem like you’re confident being you, and all that entails.

Stimulating Conversation

You’ll gain some extra points in the dating game if you can make your date laugh, talk and enjoy themselves through conversation. If you can keep your date interested, the second date is just around the corner. Pull out some of your amusing or funny stories, and ask your date some questions, without getting too personal. Don’t talk about yourself too much either. Instead, just try to go with the flow, and keep the conversation as natural and free flowing as possible, without any awkward silences.

Smile

Smiling alone can help you win a second date. Smiling is attractive, and puts people at ease. Try to smile as often as possible, without seeming like a grinning lunatic.

Manners

Use your manners and be polite. Nothing is as big a turn off as someone who is rude and obnoxious. If you want to woo your date then it’s in your best interests to be as polite as possible, whenever possible.

By playing by the rules, you too can win the dating game every time and earn yourself a second, third or fourth date.

We’ve all done our share of dating faux pas, and had to live to remember them. While they make for amusing fodder for Sunday brunch chatting with the girlfriends, it sucks to go on a date and completely ruin any future chances by falling into a typical dating trap. Drinking too much and talking about your ex are two surefire ways to ruin your chances of a second date.

Avoid Talking About Your Past

Aside from giving detailed history lessons about your dating past, try to avoid being “emotionally slutty.” If it’s your first date, now is not the time to talk about all of the problems life has loaded upon you, like your parents’ divorce, your grandmother’s funeral, how you got fired from your job, the time when you were five and your puppy got hit by a car and died. It’s a first date – it should be fun, easy and exciting! Don’t bring it down by getting too serious. You’ll just freak the poor guy out – and bum yourself out.

Avoid First Date Sex

While being an “emotional slut” is not advised, being just straight-up slutty is also a big No. I know, so cliché – but it’s true: Sleeping with a guy on the first date will make him (a) wonder, “how often does she do that!?” and (b) assume that you’re not a serious relationship kind of gal. Yes, there are times when a first-date sleepover can lead to future dates and a serious relationship but let’s be realistic – the relationship is most likely to progress to “booty call” status, if anything.

Avoid First Date Interviews

Aside from making yourself look like a fool, you can also freak out your date by placing too much attention on him with interview-style grilling. Asking questions is good, but firing one after the other at your date can be scary. You should be having a conversation, telling him about yourself too, not grilling him for his marriage-ability. (You can always get to that later).

Avoid Drinking Too Much

Last but not least, the ultimate dating faux pas that is most likely to get you into trouble and spur you on to commit one of the other dating sins is drinking too much! Maybe you feel funnier or more outgoing for a while, but after a certain point, it’s just more likely to make you act like a moron. You’re more likely to spill into emotional histories and ex-boyfriend stories, and more likely to hop into bed with him without considering the consequences. So lay off the cosmopolitans (well, not completely), sit back, relax, and enjoy your date. And afterwards? Expect his call in two to three days.

Many people refer to dating as a game. It’s understandable. I mean, you go out and try to figure out in a few hours whether or not the man or woman sitting across the table from you is worth going out with again. People in the dating game make up elaborate plans in order to boost their success rate, while trying to figure out the right place to find a suitable mate. No wonder people call it the dating game!

Yet there is a relatively new piece in the dating game, and that piece is the Internet. Now, more than ever, people can sit in the comfort of their own home, browse profiles, chat online and get an idea of what the other person is like, just by asking a few questions.

The Internet is fast becoming the best place to find suitable single people. Millions of singles are hooking up and building successful relationships over the Internet. However, if you’re looking to find a suitable single guy or gal over the Internet, there are a few things you should keep in mind.

Profile

Sure a profile is great, and most people assume they’re accurate, but this isn’t always the case. People can lie better over the net, than they could in person. It’s important that you keep your profile up to date, and keep in mind that the one you’re viewing on your glowing computer screen might not be as honest as you think.

Region

There are successful long distance relationships, but they are more likely to fail. The stresses of driving back and forth, plus the added strain of not being able to see each other very often, take their toll. In most cases, it’s far better to find someone online who is close to you.

Interests

The guy or gal, who you’re talking to, may be a veritable beauty queen or George Clooney look-a-like, but do they share any of your interests? If you’d like to win the jackpot in the dating game, you may want to make sure they share at least a few interests that you do.  Chat with them, find out what they like to do in their spare time, and you’ll get a better idea of what kind of person they are, and whether or not you’re compatible as a couple.

If you use good judgment, ask questions and be discerning when it comes to online personalities, you can win the dating game and find suitable single people every time.

Online dating related article

• ARA: We’re dating, but his online profiles are still active (timesunion.com)

If couples simply spent some time asking each other the questions that really matter, they’d greatly increase their chances of staying together.

The great thing about a “question book” is that it makes it easier to ask those difficult questions and encourages an environment to address them.

But is Michael Webb’s “1000 Questions For Couples” the right book for this?

In short, yes. Most question books ‘beat around the bush,’ never really providing the important questions, and others simply don’t have enough questions.

On the other hand, Webb has put together the most comprehensive collection of questions, covering every single topic you’d ever want to know about before tying the knot.

It includes tough subjects like money, children & child rearing, career, past and present relationships, religion, morals, convictions & beliefs, personality, and even sex.

But don’t get me wrong ­ while there are many serious and tough topics to discuss, there are also many “lighter” yet just as important topics, including the car and driving, vacations, food and well being, pets, and your favorite things.

That’s one thing I really loved about this book. It covered every conceivable topic from the super serious to the light-hearted and fun, making it easy for couples to start with easy questions and build their way up to important ones.

Also, a great bonus is having the ability to deliver 3 – 5 of the questions to my email each day, making everything automatic. I just go about my day and get new questions to ask my loved one, without having to really think about it.

In all, there’s nothing really negative I can say about this book. It delivers exactly what it says and covers every question you would ever want to ask your loved one.

I highly recommend this book for everyone. NOT just couples who are thinking of getting married but also couples who just want to feel closer together, or people dating, who just want more things to talk about.

For all the details click on the image:

Keep Dating

Many couples forget what attracted them to their mates in the first place. Sometimes work or kids leave them with little time to grow as a couple and they move away from dating.

This can pose a serious problem for couples. I know a couple that’s fallen into this situation. After the birth of their first daughter, the wife was so tired all the time with taking care of the infant that she no longer had any interest in her husband. It’s important to keep that spark alive by continuing to date. Whether it is once a week or once a month, it’s important to get some alone time with each other. This might mean getting a babysitter for an evening or putting overtime at work on hold. If your partner is worth it, don’t let the relationship grow stagnant and die. I know this sounds easier said than done, but keeping that spark takes a lot of time and energy, especially when a newborn.

Make Love In Weird Places

One great way to inject more passion into your relationship is to take your love making outside the bedroom. Make love in different rooms, in public places or places that you’d never normally think of as a hot-spot. Many couples fall into routine lovemaking….boring, right? While there’s nothing wrong with routine, it’s always a good thing to add some spontaneity to the relationship.

Remember when you first met, and couldn’t keep your hands off of each other? That’s the kind of passion you want to recapture. Your partner wants to know that they’re still attractive, desirable and you can’t get enough of them. They want to feel like they still have it in them to drive you crazy with lust, with a glance or a touch. Flirt with each other and build the anticipation. My sister and her husband have been married for 10+ years, and they claim they’re still on their honeymoon.

For most couples, it’s easy to fall into a rut. Taking each other for granted and doing the same thing over and over again, will lead most couples down the boredom highway. Every once in a while (as much as possible!) you need to hit the gas and swerve off that highway if you want your relationship to last. It’s not terribly difficult to inject more passion into your relationship and it can be a lot of fun.

Try it out….who knows? You may discover another part of your spouse you never knew existed.

You wouldn’t give your name, address and phone number to a strange man that you met in a bar or on the street, would you? Therefore, you should never do that online either. Play it safe. Get to know this man who could turn out to be Prince Charming before you give out any information that could make it possible for him or others to trace you. Don’t tell a stranger exactly where you work. Say that you are a legal secretary (if that’s what you are) for a mid-sized law firm….not that you work for Brown, Smith and Jones Attorneys-at-law. It’s safe to tell him what city you live in but you should wait to be any more specific than that until you have been chatting and exchanging emails for awhile.

Use only the tools provided by the dating service you belong to. Most offer chat and private email on their site. Do not give out your personal email address. If you must give out an email address make it a free one such as Hotmail or Yahoo. Your personal address is traceable for anyone who wants to go to the trouble.

When the time comes for you to have your first face-to-face, make that first meeting in a public place and during day light hours. Take a friend with you or arrange for one to call you on your cell soon after the arranged meeting.

Remember…you ARE in control so don’t let anyone pressure you into revealing more personal information than you are comfortable revealing.

Related articles

• What can I find out about you if I know your email address? (petewarden.typepad.com)

There are many ways to feel more confident about your relationship, but here are 20 to get your started. Take the reins or the bull by the horns (or whatever else comes to mind), and start feeling more confident!

1. Don’t snoop unless you really have good reason not to trust him. Emails and voicemails taken out of context can cause a lot of unnecessary heartache. The Frisky: Factors In Making Love Last (Or Not)

2. Give him a little friendly competition. It doesn’t hurt for him to know that your tall, built, wildly successful artist friend from college periodically tells you you’re the one who got away and it’s the biggest regret of his life.

3. Skip the games and be up front. If something’s bothering you, tell him directly. Guys don’t know what to make of it, and it shakes them up and gives you the upper hand. The Frisky: 20 Things You Should Never Do Without Consulting Your Significant Other

4. Be confident in yourself. Finish your degree, apply for the better job, or write that novel. If you have a good sense of your own self worth you’ll be confident in your relationship.

5. Set some ground rules at the beginning. If you both agree that Friday is the night for hanging out with your friends separately, it won’t be a conflict when he wants to play poker or you want to take a short road trip with some girlfriends.

6. Don’t let the relationship progress too far without discussing major issues. Having children, religious differences, whether either of you is willing to relocate for a job—these can be landmines in the future.

7. Work out. It reduces stress and releases endorphins and makes you hot. The Frisky: Do You Struggle With Your Body Image?

8. Be affectionate. If he returns the affection, it’ll make you confident. If not, it’s time to find a new boyfriend who is affectionate.

9. Avoid the temptation to endlessly analyze details. If he wears the shirt his ex-girlfriend bought him, it may just mean that it’s the only clean white shirt he has that day.

10. Similarly, avoid discussing relationship issues with paranoid girlfriends. Paranoia is contagious, and before you know it, you’ll be worrying if your boyfriend is cheating, because your friend’s husband came home smelling of Angel when she only wears Poison.

11. Have lots of outside interests apart from the relationship. When you start to feel insecure it helps to have something else to obsess over. The Frisky: MERRIMe, A New Web Comedy About Online Dating

Looking for more ways to beat relationship insecurity? Go here to discover how you can overcome insecurity! You won’t be sorry you checked it out! If you’ve rather read a book review, go to the Recommended Resource