Creating “Intense Attraction” With A Man

I’d like to tell you a story…

It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.

At first, he was just another attractive man… but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.

But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because she couldn’t tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.

But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn’t acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.

And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.

Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.

So she made a bold move.

She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more.

She didn’t know how to take it…

Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship?

Did it mean that he didn’t love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?

Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough?

Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn’t reply at all… (Ouch!)

Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.

Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.

He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up… but she never got a call back.

Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END…

OK, I’m back.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?

Heartwarming, huh?

I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels…

Now, let’s talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

But I’m not talking about FICTION here.

I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for some women?

Because lots of women have been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs… as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it brings back…

Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.

In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.

It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of WOMEN DON’T GET.

That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON’T WORK; they actually make things WORSE.

In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.

They make him run.

All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away.

It sucks!

But it’s a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding what’s going on.

And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you, that I’ll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future…

And maybe you can start to understand what’s going on a little better, if you think about what it’s like when a man you’re NOT attracted to, desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.

Have you ever had a guy pursue you?

As he’s trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away.

Even if all he’s doing, is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you?

Strange and interesting…

Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say.

Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way to much make-up?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”…?

Yeah, I have too.

Well, here’s the deal:

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” … but he isn’t open to the situation at that time, or he isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

It’s going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”.

The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a man feels it, YOU’RE DONE.

It’s over.

It’s like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.

Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he’ll start behaving differently.

In short, he’ll back off or even disappear.

So where did I get the concept of the “Instant Ewww”?

I got it from watching WOMEN.

I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word “Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy that was “confessing his love”… and of course, these were guys that weren’t loved in return by the woman.

Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they’re not attracted to.

Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let the attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier in their mind, that closes off communication or contact with her.

And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what’s happening as any ATTRACTION and interest he might have felt, evaporates.

So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?

And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice… a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?

Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman.

And they usually know it from the beginning.

But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.

You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here’s the thing…

You can’t “make a man like you” or “change how he feels about you”, by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn’t attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he’ll perhaps NEVER like you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way.

They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it, because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them like you more… and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.

On the other hand…

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you

Well, remember… if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren’t already ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to BACKFIRE.

If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws…

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer, is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don’t know if he likes you back.

DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.

Don’t buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him or write him a love letter…

Don’t send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.

Don’t call him several times, without hearing from him.

And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he’s interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.

Really.

The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

Well, I’ve written about attraction before and I’ll write about it again.

In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways to learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION for you.

But above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship.

In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about.

The eBook is called Catch Him and Keep Him.

I’ve spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.

The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I’m talking about, if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.

And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic.

You don’t have to be gorgeous or young.

And you don’t have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.

But you’re not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term aren’t “obvious”, at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation, if you didn’t know the SECRETS.

For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.

It’s jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.

Go here to check it out:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Dating and Relationship Questions

I am devoting this category to any dating or relationship questions you may have. You can either leave your question/comment in the comment box, or contact us at support@datingsecrets309.com.

 

Recent questions:

I broke up with my Boyfriend yesterday. Then i made a huge mistake by telling him that i want him back. I really like this guy and i REALLY want him back. What do i do??

Are you wondering if breaking up with him was the right move because you’re having trouble moving on? Instead of spending time thinking about all the ways you screwed up in your relationship with your boyfriend, or think about all the ways he was special, and how you’ll never find anyone who understands you quite the same way he did, you should focus on what you want and how to have the kind of relationship you deserve. There are three things you do:

Recognize what wasn’t working for you - instead of thinking only of the “good times” and how much you miss him, consider all the things he did and said that made you fee linsecure, anxious or frustrated – feelings that one way or another probably contributed to the end of the relationship.

Stop “Losing Yourself” in your relationship - You probably gave up a lot to be with your guy. You gave up time with your friends and family.You gave up doing things you used to love doing- things like reading, exercising, going on hikes,visiting art shows, whatever. You gave it up in order to spend time with him. You gave it up to make him feel comfortable. You gave things up because the relationship seemed important, and you wanted it to work. Big mistake. You need to have time for people and interests outside your relationship.

Before you can move on, whether it’s getting back together with your boyfriend or starting a new relationship, you should stop putting your life on hold instead of realizing your own needs.

You are actually continuing the very thing that helped break your relationship apart, and made you feel unhappy and unfulfilled in the first place.

 

 

Things Women Do That Make Men Leave

What’s happening when a man you thought you had a great connection with suddenly starts to withdraw and tells you he isn’t ready for a serious, committed relationship? All too often, women do or say things that are approval seeking.  This behavior is seen by men as unattractive, needy or someone who won’t make  a great partner.

Behaviors such as the following are sure relationship killers:

1. Pretending you don’t want anything serious either
2. Trying to become his best friend
3. Trying to make him jealous by going out with other guys
4. Calling him names and trying to get him into a relationship with you
5. Start doing things he likes to do, complimenting him, or just trying to win over his affection

Instead of doing the kinds of things mentioned above, you need to ditch these types of behaviors and start to understand how a man’s mind really works.

Biological or instinctual traits have been instilled in men over thousands and millions of years of “conditioning” during mating and courtship rituals with women. When a man is looking for a woman, a part of his instinctual “wiring” unconsciously tells him to look for a woman who is healthy and “fit.”

This means that men are biologically wired to look for, and feel “attracted” to women who have the qualities and traits that indicate a high level of health and “fitness.”

But unfortunately, this “screening process” that’s going on inside a man’s mind is largely unconscious. A man looks at much subtler “cues” about a woman that tell him what to think.

Some of these “cues” are:

-Physical Appearance (the obvious one): If you have a specific hip-to-waist ratio, without consciously “measuring” it, a man will see it and possibly feel a physical attraction

-Health: Things like how white the whites in your eyes are, your scent, and the tone and nature of your skin are all subtle indicators of a healthy immune system. Men find white eyes, certain scents, and smooth skin attractive not because they know they indicate that a woman is healthy and will have a high likelihood of success for offspring, but because they feel attracted to these things for some reason.

-”Emotional Fitness”: If a woman has the kind of attitude and “vibe” about her that is fun to be around, stimulating, exciting, and positive and consistent… then a man unconsciously will see her as a good long-term mate.

If you’d like to learn how men think when it comes to the “dating process”… and how a man really thinks about a woman and getting involved in a real relationship with her, then I’ve got just what you need.

Women who don’t understand what the dating and commitment process is like inside a man’s mind seem to keep running into the same painful situations, frustrations, and traps with men.

The way a man grows close to a woman, the reasons why he chooses her over another woman, and when and why he decides to start sharing himself with her and growing a real and committed relationship is simply different than it is for most women.

One of the biggest “make it or break it” points for women in relationships with men is when you start to grow close and want to move from just a casual and unspoken thing into a deeper and more serious relationship.

If you’ve ever felt “stuck” in your love life because you didn’t know how to break through the “casual dating” stage with a man and move into a real and committed relationship, I can help.

If you know much about men, then you probably already know that the answer with a man in this situation is NOT to ask him for a commitment.

Lots of women try this and become frustrated and baffled when the man they thought they were close to completely pulls away from them and even tries to end the relationship all together.

If you want to grow your relationship with a man, the best way to move into a committed relationship isn’t to come up against his emotional resistance to commitment when you bring it up.

The best relationships that women enjoy most, and that last the longest, are the ones where the man is leading the woman into a committed relationship. But for lots of women, things seem to get terribly turned around.

For the greatest chance at happiness and success with a man, and to be able to quickly and easily move from a casual situation to a real and committed relationship with a man, the answer is to learn:

1) How the commitment process works for him

2) How to make a man want to be with you and lead you in to a committed relationship

3) How to keep your relationship growing and healthy so that you both stay emotionally involved and fulfilled by the relationship

Most women NEVER learn these things, and as a result, they never have the kind of success in dating and relationships with men they really want.

CLICK IMAGE ABOVE

Dating Advice for Women

Many women are nervous during the initial phases of a relationship and they mess up their chances with a guy right off the bat.  I hate to see this happen, so I’ve compiled some dating advice for women.

1.)    Be yourself – You won’t be able to keep up a façade forever.  So, don’t start a relationship by playing a role.  You will want to play to your strengths and present your best face to your date.  But don’t try to fool him into thinking you are someone you are not.  First of all, you can’t keep it up for the long haul.  But, more importantly, you don’t want him falling in love with an image.  If you are an outspoken person, it’s best to not temper your views just to make a good impression.  That is not the person you are, so don’t make him think it is.

2.)    Be confident – You are a worthy person and you have a lot to offer.  Many women have low self esteem and they lack the confidence needed to be successful on a date.   But, guys like confident women.  They need to know that they will have a partner.  They don’t want to carry all of the weight in the relationship.  If you are confident, you will have a much higher chance of getting a second date.

3.)    Be positive – No guy wants to hear about how awful your day was, how your mom annoys you, or how your boss doesn’t appreciate your work.  He wants to hear that you have a happy outlook on life.  Face it: who would you rather spend time with, a person who is depressed and down in the dumps all of the time or someone who is optimistic about the future?  That’s his answer too!

4.)    Express your opinions – Too many women are afraid to express their opinions about things for fear of turning a guy off.  But men don’t want doormats.  They want to be with interesting women.  And interesting women have opinions.  While some cavemen may think that a woman must mirror his opinions, a real man is comfortable enough with his own views to appreciate hearing a different perspective.  And, if he’s not comfortable with your opinions now, he won’t be in six months!

5.)    Accept compliments – One of the biggest mistakes women make is to turn aside compliments.  Men like to tell the women in their lives that they are attractive, sexy, or smart.  Almost by reflex, women deflect these complements.  If he says he likes your hair, don’t tell him about how awful it really looks.  Just say, thank you and smile.  When you can take a compliment in stride, you are a more attractive date.

6.)    Show the guy a good time – He’s only going to want to go out with you on a second date if he has fun on the first date.  If he laughs a lot during the date, he is going to want to come back for more.

7.)    Give yourself an escape route – Never go out on a date with a guy that you don’t know well if you don’t have an escape route.  It’s best to meet somewhere public on a first date rather than have him pick you up at your home.  If you do let him pick you up, make sure you have cab fare home.  Let your roommates or friends know who you are going out with.  Don’t find yourself in a dangerous situation just because you haven’t been cautious enough up front.

Those seven tips are may best dating advice for women.

What If He Doesn’t Call Often

Ever wonder why the man you’re dating and having an amazing time with doesn’t call you very often? Or worse… stops calling altogether?

If you’ve ever had this happen to you with a man, then you know how FRUSTRATING it can be when a man just suddenly stops calling for what seems like no good reason…you’ve spent more time than you’d like to admit wondering what happened and what YOU might have done wrong.

Most women in this situation fall into a kind of trap that seems to work against them. Instead of recognizing that the man not calling is an important signal in of itself, they become obsessed with wanting to know what he’s thinking and WHY he’s acting this way. But most women also know on an intuitive level that coming out and actually asking a man why he’s acting this way wouldn’t bring about anything good.

And guess what? Their intuition is right.

With most men in this situation, if you want to connect with a man and grow closer, then the answer is NOT to try and get him to talk about his thoughts and feelings.

It’s time you learned what it really means if a man isn’t calling… and what to do about it to quickly “turn the tables” in your favor so that he’s the one calling and asking you out.

WHY ISN’T HE CALLING MORE?

Here’s something you might not have thought about…

Men often communicate and show their feelings in less “direct” ways than simply saying and expressing how the feel. In fact, most men are a whole lot more conscious of DOING things than they are of how they affect and relate to others on an emotional level. So… when a man doesn’t call, it’s often NOT an indication of something else going on for him that he might want to talk to you about.

Often times it’s simply an indication that he doesn’t actually FEEL like spending more time around you. So he simply doesn’t call. In other words, when it comes to men and dating, it’s best to look at a man’s ACTIONS and BEHAVIORS as the only TRUE INDICATION of how they really feel inside.

As a woman, you can probably spin your wheels dreaming up all kinds of incredible and elaborate ideas and scenarios for why a man isn’t calling and what it means about his feelings and your situation. But, if you’re interested in doing more than analyzing and trying to figure out things in your own mind… then it’s best to “read” the men you’re dating early on by what they DO… and NOT what they SAY. Which means… a man not calling you often, or at all, is an important signal in and of itself.

If a man is spending time with a woman he “likes”, but he isn’t sure if he would want much more than a few casual dates with her…then here’s what he does…

He only calls her every once in a while to keep the “connection” open… making sure not to let the connection die, but also making sure not to spend too much time with a woman or show her too many signs of interest that
might indicate he’d want a more serious relationship. And yes, some men actually think this way and are CONSCIOUS about NOT CALLING women very often if they don’t want things to get more serious.

While other men who don’t call are usually doing this inadvertently as they’re going about their life and not thinking much about wanting more with a woman.

Here’s what you need to take away from all this…

If a man isn’t calling and you’d like him to call more and to grow in your relationship together, it really doesn’t matter WHY. The only things that matter are if he’s not calling because he’s not interested in a relationship with you ever.

Or…

If he’s not calling because he’s just not feeling “that way” for you YET. Which begs the question – how do you get a man feeling “that way” for you if he’s not feeling it yet? Well, for starters, you need to STOP doing the things that will promise that a man WON’T feel it for you..things like CALLING HIM TOO MUCH. Or getting upset and hurt that he hasn’t called when there’s no “relationship” yet, and it’s just YOUR EXPECTATION that he SHOULD call more.
Or generally taking on any other needy, clingy, or overly emotional behaviors that will have a man thinking you’d be nothing but a pain if he was to get to know you and involved in a real relationship with you.

What you need to do instead is to start to learn the behaviors that create the feeling of ATTRACTION inside a man.

Why attraction?

Because attraction is the one thing that will “override” all the logical reasons a man has for NOT wanting to get involved with a woman or stay single…and will take over his “emotional world” and have him thinking and acting from his EMOTIONS with you… instead of his “logical mind” that will often try to RESIST a woman and a real committed relationship.

The very best way there is to learn how attraction works for a man and quickly start using works with men to create a deep level of LASTING ATTRACTION inside the man you’re dating is to get a copy of  Catch Him and Keep Him. In this program Christian Carter shows you 6 Keys to Lasting Attraction with a man you need to know about if you want a man to see you as the only woman he wants to be with.

If you don’t know about these critical 6 Keys To Lasting Attraction, then you’re going to struggle with a man eventually.

It could be when he shows up in a few months or years and says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.”
Or when he loses his physical interest in you and you know your not “connecting” the way you used to… and you worry he might be thinking about or seeing another woman.

The truth is, if you learn how to keep that intense level of attraction ALIVE in your relationship… and you know how to make a man feel attracted to you on a physical, emotional, and “intellectual” level, then your relationship with him will largely take care of itself.

 

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